Again, and Again, and Now I'm Rambling

Last night I found out that my friend had decided to take a butt load of pills to be followed with many chasers of Vodka. I currently do not know how my friend is doing since I am unable to reach anyone at the house. In fact...there are a lot of people wondering what the hell is going on.

First I would like to explain something so that you might understand where I come from regarding this. Here's the deal...I do not cope with suicide or thoughts of suicide, or suicide attempts. It's not that I don't want to, but given my history (<--click here for the story.)...yeah, anything suicide related causes a chemical reaction in me that isn't pretty. So I tend to come across as a cold bitch. 


Next I have to address the alcohol chasers. So yeah I'm a former alcoholic. I've been sober for 18 years. I don't have much patience for alcoholics either. Been there, done that. If you didn't click on the link above, here's a brief telling. I met guy, guy was great, guy was a closet alcoholic, guy hated himself, guy put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger, I found guy Easter morning. I really do recommend you click on the link though and read the full story. 


So here I am today with a big ole pile of WHAT THE FUCK in my lap to deal with again. I don't want to deal with the emotions, I want to go and bitch slap the shit out of my friend. However I have a feeling that this probably will only make me feel better and wont make things better for my friend. Guess I should strike that from the things to do today.


Anyhow I have to figure out how to deal with this so that I can be a good friend to someone in need. I am having a very hard time doing this because of my out take on it. Now don't get me wrong here. I get that people get depressed and fall into a pit of despair...I have been there, I do suffer from depression. What I have an issue with is the fact that people can't get themselves out of that pit. Most times when someone has this problem they go to the doctor and get some happy pills. I do the same thing. I occasionally get to the point where I can't even stand to be in the same room with myself so off I go to make an appointment. Wow I seem to be having a very hard time articulating this with you. So I'm just gonna say this way, and if I offend someone, well so be it... God damn it, life sucks for everyone. The majority of the population keeps on going. Why? Because that is what we do as humans. Fall down, get up, brush ourselves off, and start marching again. There isn't anything out there that is so bad we need to kill ourselves. Perspective is needed. So say a mother looses her child to cancer, and feels like she can't go on. I get that, but there is so much more you can do for your child than permanently curl up in a ball and wither away, or more bluntly put...off yourself. Become a warrior against cancer, become a mentor, or support for another family...
 

For some reason though society seems to have forgotten that lesson, and now it is ok to sit there and expect others to stop what they are doing and to feel sorry for us, even complete strangers. It has become the norm in society to sit there and use past transgression upon us as an excuse for our behaviors today. Ya know there is some truth in that, but if it was the case straight through and through, the little child who was beaten, raped, mistreated, and all sorts of other horrors wouldn't ever become anything other than a product of their environment, and I know for a fact there are many of those kids out there stomping the hell out of their past and blowing by us "normal" people.  We are a super sized generation, and in that super sizedness...our emotions are super sized too. It's time we reign it back in to what is supposed to be normal, and get a correct perspective on life.

There are people who's life sucks worse than mine and yours and yet they sit there and smile and are thankful for the life they do have. What right do I have to sit there and wallow in my self-pity when they are still able to smile? Can I cry about my situation? Hell yeah, but the point is to cry, learn, move on. I come up against a tough time in life and I'm not sure how the hell I'm gonna get through it, I have to make a conscious decision to look back on my life and find all the other times where I came up against a tough time, and realize even though at the time of these "catastrophes" I thought it was the end of the world...I got through it. If I got through that, and at the time it was the worst thing in the world that could ever, ever happen, or so I thought at the time...I can get through this worst thing in the whole wide world that is happening right now. 


And now I'm rambling, and I still got nothing on how I need to deal with my friend, or rather how I need to deal with me, about my friend. It's all about the perspective I guess. Lesson learned.


I realize that there are parts where I don't really address somethings, and I went back to do that, but it ended up covering much more that what the simple reason for this post was, and becoming extra super long...if you need clarification, or would like to continue on a point I made feel free to comment.

Goodbye Old Year: Things I Have Learned

     

     So the end of the year is just around the corner here. We all know what that means, new resolutions. I usually don't do this because I end up forgetting what I vowed to do for the year within a week. However this year I just might give it a try again. Hopefully it will last longer than a day. Hey come on now at least I tried!


      I'm finding it hard to come up with something unique. I mean I could say, to loose 10lbs, or quit smoking, or love myself more, get the house organized, but those are so over done don't you think? (plus,in my case unattainable) Now I'm not saying those things aren't good ideas, I just want something a bit different. That's just the way I roll dontcha know.


     So maybe you guys can give me some idea's. Just remember they have to be unique, and actually something I can do. If you don't give me any idea's then I guess I shall not partake of the New Years tradition and I shall be sad. So make sure you leave your idea's in the comment box below. 


     Some things I learned this year are: 
I can actually grow a veggie garden. I have also learned that the little rabbits that visit our yard loved everything I grew.  Little bastards. 


     I have learned that Superman continues to astound me with the things that pop out of his mouth. Some of them make me laugh, some of them make me wonder just what is going in that little head of his. His latest is, "my weinner hurts." "Why does your weinner hurt Superman?" "Cuz when I eat pizza it hurts." I'm sorry, say again please? Where does this kid come up with this stuff? He hadn't even taken a bite of his pizza yet. Flawed logic there young one. 


     I have learned that when you spend $900.00 on getting the truck back on the road, it will drop it's muffler one week later three hours before I had to go to work. This resulted in an extra $400.00 spent. Stupid truck!

     I have learned that when the lovely Mother Nature drops 12+" of snow on you in one shot, "plowing" the drive way with the van is not a good idea. Said plowing resulted in power steering going out. Now must drive broken van because broken truck is broken worse than broken van. (it wasn't me)


     I have learned that I now hate snow. 80 some inches of that white stuff almost killed me. We do not have a snow blower it was all done by shovel. Thank God for Princess's young back! Thinking of getting a snow blower, then again this year I only had to shovel once. I'll put that on the back burner for now, and kick myself in the ass later.


     I have learned that two boys, two years apart is enough to test anyone's sanity. Then again maybe I wasn't sane to begin with. The fighting is enough to send me to the looney bin...can't wait until they are teenagers. NOT.


     I have learned to test the limits of my family's taste buds, and actually have fun. Some were good some were bad. Some I think they actually would have killed me if it weren't for the fact they need me so much.


     I have learned my kids are smart-ass's. Hmm wonder who they got that from? Certainly not me, right? 


     I have learned that sometimes you just have to roll with it. Fighting it just makes it worse. 


     I have learned my children are precious when they are sound asleep and not causing chaos. Watching them sleep is the most awesome thing in the world besides holding them the day they were born. 


    So what are some things you learned this year? I hope that we all can continue learning as we go. 
May God bless you in this coming New Year, just as he has blessed me in this year.

   
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