Reminers of the Need to Hug and Love...

The tragedy in Connecticut is horrible, unfathomable, unbelievable, and a shock to the system. What could have cause a person to walk into a school classroom and start shooting innocent children, and others? Wow, there is this thing called communication. You have a problem, you talk about it. If the person is unreceptive, you move on with your life..away from them. You don't arm yourself and just march into a place and start blasting away. 

I have no idea what the hell is going on with society lately. It's like people all of a sudden think that the world revolves around them. Nothing matters but their happiness. What a bunch of selfish little shits. I think it's time we stopped being afraid to discipline our children and get them back on the correct road. What do I know though, I'm just a mom.

The main reason that I am writing this however is that after reading status update after update telling me that I need to, "hug my children more, and love them more" I started to get kinda pissed. (yes I have issues, so do you)  I'm sorry...excuse me? Since when do I need someone to tell me that I need to do this? How about this, if someone does in fact have a legit reason for telling me this, then I shouldn't have my kids in my custody. If this is the case, then I have more serious issues to deal with.

Here's the deal, my kids drive me nuts, stress me out, and test my patience Every. Single. Day. It is a game with them to see just how far they can push my buttons before I will snap. They get my blood boiling, and my BP sky high. They frustrate me to no end, and make me want to run away. Very far, far away. In all honesty there are days that I really wish I hadn't had kids, but the reality is...I do have kids, and I love them just as fiercely as the drive they have to continually push my buttons.

With that being said, there is no possible way that I could hug my kids more, or love them more. They are my life, pure and simple. Now I'm sure that I might have just pissed a few of you off. Guess what? I don't care. Some of you might be thinking that I got the message wrong. Um, no I did not. There is another message floating around that is similar, but has a very different meaning. It is something along the lines of, "be thankful that you still have your children to hug and love." Amen, and very true, and I most definitely am, but I do this on a daily basis, not just because a tragedy happened.

Nothing anyone does or could ever do can take away the pain and heartache that these people are experiencing. Hopefully with God's help and others prayers and support they will be able to move through in life. How about we tell them that we are there for them, and will support them, rather than sit there and share stupid little blurps about how everyone else should hug and love their kids more. How cruel, for these parent and families that are affected by this horrible senseless brutality  to see those postings as they no longer have that person to hug and love.

The Back Burner

Sometimes things happen in our lives that make a huge impression. Some of these would be good thing, others...not so great. Let's talk about the not so great things for a bit.

Without these bad things we wouldn't be the person we are. Whether it was living with alcoholic parents, beatings, molesting, and all the other horrible things that can happen to a person we must remember we are not alone. 

Sometimes things in our current life just aren't going very smooth. It maybe that we keep making bad decisions in relationships, or maybe following in the footsteps of an abuser. The variables are too many to list here, but our past has a habit of following us around. Especially if we have not dealt with it or come to terms over what happened in the past. 

Please don't take this as me being flippant, and me thinking things can just change over night. I know it sure can't. It takes a lot of work, and a lot of courage to face the demons that continue to plague us and bring us down. The fact of the matter is, we just have to take that step into the fear in order to heal. 

Nobody want's to do something that bring the feeling of fear, and nobody sure as hell wants to relive a horrible moment in time. We are fearful of being swallowed by the pain, but pain unfortunately in this case is good. I know that I tend to be the type of person who kind of puts things on the back burner to deal with at a later date. Then I carry on with my busy life. It's not that I don't want to deal with it, but it's that there is so much more going on that I just don't have the time. Eventually things in my life start melting down. Well actually it's me that does the melting. It becomes too much for me to carry, and I have to deal with it if I want to continue living a full life. 

So when I come to that point in life where nothing is going right, I have to take a step back and evaluate the things on that back burner. I have gone back to that back burner many times in my life. Most of the things are new, every once in awhile it's something that I thought I had already dealt with.  

With me, my body is the indicator that my load is too much, and it's time to clean house. My body starts manifesting problems to let me know things aren't right. I might start breaking out in sudden hives for no reason. My eyes might all of a sudden swell shut. I might catch every bug going around because my immune system is shutting down because my stress level is so great that my body focuses only on dealing with the stress. I get headaches all the time. A lot of them are stress headaches. I have long periods of depression also.  

I hate living like that, being sick all the time really sucks. While some of the things are actually legitimate like my seizures, there are many that are cause by just plain ole stress. If I want to get better health wise...I have to put on my big girl panties, buck up and face whatever is causing my body to hate me. I hate having to clean off that back burner, but I hate being sick all the time more. It's my choice on whether or not I'm going to be healthy. 

For some of you out there the past events in your life have caused mental problems. Hey that ok. It's totally ok to have mental problems. It doesn't change who you are on the inside, it just makes life...a bit more interesting to deal with. I also have to tell you that you are not alone. There are many people out there just like you. The events that started you down that road may be different, but the out come is the same. 

Whether your dealing with something mentally, or physically I want you to know that you are loved, no matter what your faults or problems may be. Go on give yourself a big ole hug, you deserve it. 

Hey I wasn't joking on the giving yourself a hug thing...do it now. Ok much better. See I have that mommy power. I can make you do something from miles away. 

If you need to talk to someone shoot me an email. Sometimes it's easier to talk with someone you don't know. There isn't much out there that will shock me. I will be honest though, I do not deal well with suicidal thoughts. I am still trying to come to grips on this, and I tend to freeze on this topic, but I will do my best to listen because everybody deserves to be heard.

Ya know these post just never seem to go in the direction that i thought I wanted to go. I guess it all depends on where my heart is. Hope you get something from this and continue to read as I ramble on through this Crazy Life.  

Why.....?

Yesterdays post was emotionally draining and left me physically whooped. So to better lighten the mood, here we go...

Why is it when I have my slippers on, there is always someone trying to walk in them... with me? It makes it very difficult to walk up the stairs when you are stepping in my slipper. If you need a pair I will gladly get you your own pair. Keep your paws outta my slippers so I do not continue to stumble around the house looking like I'm shitfaced . I don't care if it seems to provide entertainment for the family.  Thank you in advance Smokey and Superman.

Why is it when I'm in the middle of some serious typing, the keyboard on my laptop suddenly decides to have a hissy fit? I really need the spacebar and the back button. Especially the back button since I seem to go backwards more than forwards thanks to the non working space button. If you weren't connected to my computer I would have, without a thought flung you across the room. Were you having a bad day yesterday, you seem fine today? Devious little thing you are. See I told you it liked to fuck with me.

Why Smokey, why are you so irritating? This constant licking and scratching is driving me nuts! There is no cause for you to do this. With the constant thump, thump, thump that you do you should have been named Thumper. Never mind the thrp... thrp... thrp sound you make when you constantly lick yourself. Wow you know your a bad speller when you have trouble spelling a non-word. Different story...let's not go there just yet.

Why Superman, when I'm at my last straw with you, you somehow manage to get a chuckle out of me? I guess the real question would be how do you do it. You must have some inner radar system that warns you that you have entered enemy territory or something, and beat a hasty retreat with saying something cute as hell. If I make it through your teenage years alive it will be a miracle. Y'all better start praying for me now.

Why DH do you let a good ole stinky whopper go while in bed, and then proceed to cover my head with the blankets? You seriously must have a death wish. I will gladly grant that wish if you continue to do this to me. Just remember I know where you sleep my love, and for the most part I am awake while you sleep. Hmm, then again you are awake while I sleep. Must make sure I have a strategic plan in force before proceeding. 

Why Princess is it that after I have showed you time and time again how to clean the fricken bathroom you persist on doing it wrong? Yes, I am a control freak, what of it? One of these days I shall just lock you in there till you get it right. I know you can do this, you do after all get straight A's at school without batting an eye, so I know your smart enough to figure this out.

Why Jokester do you have to be so brutally honest with me. Have you not had any of your dads DNA of charm pass to you. Walking up to me and with a laugh pronounce, "wow mom your butt is big", is not considered humor. I brought you into this world my young son, I can take you out. Now people, like I would really hurt my kids, it's all empty threats. Unfortunately they have figured this out. Snap.

Speaking of dads charm, Honey cracking the joke of, "your butts so big that the moon has to orbit it because of the gravitational pull" WAS   NOT   FUNNY. I know you thought it hilarious and cracked yourself up, and when you told your mom she tried not to chuckle but you had better start sleeping with one eye open my dear. If you don't know what I mean refer to the question about you above.

Thank you my family for noticing when I'm having a bad day and stop to give me a hug and tell me you love me. While you are the straw that broke the camels back, you are the glue to put him back together.

Thank you family for telling me dinner was GREAT even when I know I bombed with it.  The fact that it took you two hours to eat it boys was a dead give away.

Thank you my wonderful family for providing the chaos that makes up my CRAZY LIFE, I wouldn't have it any other way. Umm second thought, knock it off or I will run away. Far, far away.

Thank you family for loving me even when I'm not perfect. Yes I admitted it, I am not perfect. DH you know have written proof that I said this. If you use this against me, you better start sleeping with both eyes open.

I love you. 


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