Does it Hurt?

Ready...set...go! I will finish this post if it kills me. Forget the four other ones that are waiting for their turn at life. This one shall survive.


That being said, moving forwards, cuz backwards just plain sucks. I mean who wants to look backwards, it is after all in the past. Forwards is the future and new adventures. Yep that's the way to go new adventures.


So I've had a bit of writers block lately. Not sure what the heck is going on, but thanks for being patient with me.


Adventure, yes that's what I was talking about. So this year I get to turn the big 40. I don't want to. I shall resist with all my being. It is after all a family trait to stop ageing around whatever age sounds better than the current age. I must carry on the tradition. 


So lately I have been kinda down about turning the big one, and near as I can figure I seem to be going through a bit of a mid-life crisis. I had one when I was twenty-nine too. Seems to be a theme with me. Why? I don't know since age never seemed important to me ever before these two occasions.  


Any-hoo, I've  been thinking that I need a re-vamp on my look. Something to...I don't know, get me outta my frump. So this summer I finally got the tattoo I've been wanting for like...ever. Ok, it's not the one I wanted forever, but I've wanted another one forever. Then I decided I wanted my nose pierced. Well I guess you could say I've been thinking about it for some years and I just finally did it last weekend. 


Here is my experience. After waiting forever it was finally Princes's turn to get her ears re-pierced. Took all of five to ten minutes. I have no idea what the other people were getting done, but they sure took along time. 


It is now my turn. Because I can't wear earrings since well they make my ears itch and swell up like there's no tomorrow, I have to get titanium. Oh yeah, can't go the cheap way with me. Just so you know they don't use a piercing gun to do this. They use some kind of needle. I really don't know what it looks like because she hid it very well from my sight. Very smart lady. 


She was super great at making sure it was in the right spot. We sat there and made faces at each other while she determined the correct spot. Hey this girl is fun! She made her little dot, and asked me what I thought...looked good. Let's do this! 


She then took out the grabber thingy. It's used to grab your ear or nose or for that matter whatever part she needs to grab so they can do the piercing. She was totally awesome about making sure she wasn't pinching me or to make sure it wasn't too tight. I thought to myself, "how nice". Little did I know...


She positions herself once again so I can't see what she's doing and tell's me to look up. Umm ok, so I do. Says to me, "here we go, are you ready." Heck yeah!


Then it happened, it really happened. You see there are a couple of things that she deliberately decided not to tell me. I'm sure it's because she learned in the past not to say anything, cuz if she does mention these things she wont be making money. 


I'm not sure if I can even describe it to you, but I will do my best. At first I felt a little bitty pin prick on my nose, and I thought to myself, this isn't too bad. Then she proceeded to apply the pressure. Not feeling so good no more. I'm thinking, holy crap this hurts and when the fuck is it going to end? She reassures me that she's almost done, and it's a good thing I have skinny nostrils. Ok that last thing kinda got my mind off the pain for oh like a nano second. Skinny nostril? Oh I get it, less pain. Not falling for that one bit cuz this hurts like hell and I have a super high pain threshold.


I'm not sure at what point it happened, but my eyes started this super duper watering thing. There was no stopping it. I willed them to stop, but they refused to listen to me. I couldn't even open the bloody things. Then something started happening that I have never experienced in my life. My sinuses got jealous of my watering eyes, and decided to put on a show of their own. Keep in mind my head was tipped backwards (see she knew) eyes are gushing, and all of a sudden my sinuses let go like a river that's been held back by a dam and the dam just freakin broke, big time. Now I'm drowning, just great. So much for getting my nose pierced, I'm gonna be dead and it will all be for not. By the way, where the hell does all that stuff come from in your sinuses? 


Guess what? During the floods that occurred from my eyes and sinuses I forgot to concentrate on the pain of the needle. She moves out of the way and tells me she's done, and asks if I'm ok. Then as a side note says, oh yeah the eyes and sinuses tend to water a bit.  What I'm thinking and what comes out of my mouth are two very, very different things. What I'm thinking is, "Ya think? Holy Crap what the hell was that, and why the hell didn't you tell that was going to happen I could of at least had a Kleenex or something to help with the floods if I could  see you I would beat the crap outta you, your so lucky I cant see anything. You better get me out of here and have me pay before I come to my senses hello big ole run-on sentence. 


What came out of my mouth was, "Wow! Do you have a Kleenex or something so I can wipe my eyes? That didn't hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would. (<-WTH?)Hey let me check it out in the mirror! Sweet! Alright lets pay up here so I can feed the kids".


Dang this is turning into a pretty long post here now isn't it? Too bad. It's my story and I'll make it as long as I want, so there.


So the instructions are to clean it twice a day, and soak it in a sea salt water mix for five minutes each day. No problem. Someone just slap me and put me out of my misery please. I have no idea how I keep finding myself in these situations. (Oh yeah, mid-life crisis) Picture this if you can, a measuring cup filled to the top with salt water, sitting on the kitchen counter. Got that picture? Good. Ok now picture someone trying to soak a nose in said measuring cup. Oh yeah, you have to get down and stick your nose in the water, but still be able to see the time. You sure don't want your nose in there longer than needed, after all five minutes of being a dork is way more time spent than you want. 


You might think it's pretty easy to just stand there with your nose in a cup of water. It is not. You have to be careful that the water doesn't creep into your eye. Salt water, eye...very bad. Then you have to be careful that it doesn't start running every where else. The biggie though is to remember not to inhale through said nose that is now buried in a cup of salt water.  I think you get the picture. 


So here I'm thinking for some reason that this has to be done for only a week. Not. Princess informed me tonight that it's for 4-6 weeks. I'm not very happy about that. Why? Cuz it's a pain in the ass, and the more I mess with it the more swollen and sore it gets. 


Now heaven forbid you actually have a sneezing attack the day after you get your nose pierced like I did. OMG! It was a flashback to the pain of her putting the needle in my nose! Now to figure out how to blow the damn thing, which is by now a huge throbbing mess on your face that's covered with snot. Now you have to watch out for the itching too, cuz you know as soon as your nose is hurting and sore your gonna get an itch. Paperclip works ok, fingernails...not so good. 


So for all my peoples who been asking if it hurt and should they get their nose pierced. I say, HELL YEAH, GO FOR IT! You only live once right? Sides it doesn't hurt at all.  

The Back Burner

Sometimes things happen in our lives that make a huge impression. Some of these would be good thing, others...not so great. Let's talk about the not so great things for a bit.

Without these bad things we wouldn't be the person we are. Whether it was living with alcoholic parents, beatings, molesting, and all the other horrible things that can happen to a person we must remember we are not alone. 

Sometimes things in our current life just aren't going very smooth. It maybe that we keep making bad decisions in relationships, or maybe following in the footsteps of an abuser. The variables are too many to list here, but our past has a habit of following us around. Especially if we have not dealt with it or come to terms over what happened in the past. 

Please don't take this as me being flippant, and me thinking things can just change over night. I know it sure can't. It takes a lot of work, and a lot of courage to face the demons that continue to plague us and bring us down. The fact of the matter is, we just have to take that step into the fear in order to heal. 

Nobody want's to do something that bring the feeling of fear, and nobody sure as hell wants to relive a horrible moment in time. We are fearful of being swallowed by the pain, but pain unfortunately in this case is good. I know that I tend to be the type of person who kind of puts things on the back burner to deal with at a later date. Then I carry on with my busy life. It's not that I don't want to deal with it, but it's that there is so much more going on that I just don't have the time. Eventually things in my life start melting down. Well actually it's me that does the melting. It becomes too much for me to carry, and I have to deal with it if I want to continue living a full life. 

So when I come to that point in life where nothing is going right, I have to take a step back and evaluate the things on that back burner. I have gone back to that back burner many times in my life. Most of the things are new, every once in awhile it's something that I thought I had already dealt with.  

With me, my body is the indicator that my load is too much, and it's time to clean house. My body starts manifesting problems to let me know things aren't right. I might start breaking out in sudden hives for no reason. My eyes might all of a sudden swell shut. I might catch every bug going around because my immune system is shutting down because my stress level is so great that my body focuses only on dealing with the stress. I get headaches all the time. A lot of them are stress headaches. I have long periods of depression also.  

I hate living like that, being sick all the time really sucks. While some of the things are actually legitimate like my seizures, there are many that are cause by just plain ole stress. If I want to get better health wise...I have to put on my big girl panties, buck up and face whatever is causing my body to hate me. I hate having to clean off that back burner, but I hate being sick all the time more. It's my choice on whether or not I'm going to be healthy. 

For some of you out there the past events in your life have caused mental problems. Hey that ok. It's totally ok to have mental problems. It doesn't change who you are on the inside, it just makes life...a bit more interesting to deal with. I also have to tell you that you are not alone. There are many people out there just like you. The events that started you down that road may be different, but the out come is the same. 

Whether your dealing with something mentally, or physically I want you to know that you are loved, no matter what your faults or problems may be. Go on give yourself a big ole hug, you deserve it. 

Hey I wasn't joking on the giving yourself a hug thing...do it now. Ok much better. See I have that mommy power. I can make you do something from miles away. 

If you need to talk to someone shoot me an email. Sometimes it's easier to talk with someone you don't know. There isn't much out there that will shock me. I will be honest though, I do not deal well with suicidal thoughts. I am still trying to come to grips on this, and I tend to freeze on this topic, but I will do my best to listen because everybody deserves to be heard.

Ya know these post just never seem to go in the direction that i thought I wanted to go. I guess it all depends on where my heart is. Hope you get something from this and continue to read as I ramble on through this Crazy Life.