Early Spring Cleaning...Yeah! Bite me

I have always wondered why it is that I never get anything done around here. I think today I figured it out. Good Gosh I hope I did, cuz this chick is about to crack. I will give you an idea of what it is that I'm up against.


It seems that Smokey has a problem with peeing in the house. Much better than the pooping in the house, but still...not acceptable in the least. Hell no it's not! There shall be no pee or poo in my house unless on the throne located in the lovely bathrooms. Even then there are rules and regulations, ya know. 


So I happened to be talking to DH as I was leaning so casually against the love seat and I happened to look down on the floor and saw a yellow coloring to my cream carpet. I looked at it, he looked at me looking at it, then figured he better look at what I was looking at. I reach down to feel it. (Yes folks I do that kinda thing. Got three kids, not much gonna faze me.) By God it was damp! So DH asked me if it's wet, to which I reply, " it's damp", and while I'm giving him this answer he's reaching down to feel it too. (Yes people, it takes two of use to figure stuff like this out.)


So the conclusion is that one of the dogs has peed in the house, and since it's right next to the love seat (not to mention upon closer inspection also on the side of love seat) it has to be one of the boys. Yes, I know there are some girl dogs out there that can kinda "spray", but Baby Girl wouldn't be one of them since she only has three legs. That would be sorta interesting to observe, and almost worth it.


No one in the house has ever witnessed any dog going potty in the house except the first day we got Smokey and he did his boy thing. I know it's not Henry. We've had him since he was 8 wks old so we know how he is. That leaves Smokey. Smokey is now confined to the kitchen. It doesn't matter if someone is home or not. I am very tired of having to break out the carpet cleaner to get rid of the dog pee and so far he just isn't getting it. Did I mention he's not the brightest bulb in the deck? I know, I know...shut-up and let me say the saying backwards.


Oh yeah! Back to the reason why I never get anything done around here. I think someone put some bad vibe crap on me. I'm about to tell you is the kind of stuff that happens to me all the time. I mean it happens so frequently that it just can't be called supernatural or a fluke.


So I go about getting the carpet cleaner out and cleaning up the pee spots after letting them soak in cleaner for some time. (Yes I found more spots once I was down on the floor.) I get all done, and go to empty the stupid waste water thingy majobber and the stupid thing like explodes all over me and the bathroom! Oh yeah! I forgot to mention it was dinner time by now. Jokester also chose this moment to come in and bug me about something. I told him to...well hell I have no idea what I told him to do. After watching nasty dirty pee water explode every where it's all kinda a blur. I do remember yelling for Princess to get me another towel since the two I had were dripping and not absorbing.


Manage to dry the bathroom and myself off, look at the clock and realize dinner should have been almost an hour ago. Guess what guys! Take out tonight!. Get everything taken care of, put boys to bed, dry the bathroom off AGAIN, yes again. I sure wish I could remember what the hell was happening at the moment of pee water explosion so I could quit doing it, but alas I am too busy standing there in horror as it rains pee water everywhere in my bathroom. 


I have decided to do a spring clean on the living room because of Smokey. I was going to start at the top of the house and work my way down anyhow, but yeah my usual life exploded on me. So now here I sit with with half an upstairs bathroom done, and half a living room done. Quite frankly I don't give a rat's ass...I'm way too tired and stressed. It'll be there tomorrow unless a miracle happens. Not betting on that one.

Holy Crap! There's Piles of Poo!

   

      Wow, yesterday was a rough one for me. You see Smokey tested me to my limits. I am normally a laid back kinda gal, but this one, this one was a toughie. For some reason Smokey didn't want to go outside yesterday. Now normally this dog is jumping over, dodging under to get outside, but for some reason when put on the chain he dug all fours in and refused to budge. I dragged his little butt out anyhow, because ya know, a dog has to go sometime right? No sooner had I gotten the door shut he was scratching to come back in crying and whining. Well one of the things I hate is a dog who scratches at the door. It totally ruins it, and pisses me off. So I go back out on the porch and tell him, "NO, go potty", and go back inside. Same thing happens. This happened all through the day, so finally I went outside with him. Boy did he pee... like forever.

     I'm not sure what his problem was, and the only thing I can think of is that the day before they had torn down the house behind us. This might have made a negative impact on him with all the noise. Or maybe it's the fact the house is gone. I have no idea, but it's become a problem. You see he still wont go outside, and after what happened yesterday...this dog IS, and WILL be going outside. Now keep your hats on here, because what I am about to tell you is something I have never witnessed in my entire life, and let me tell you, I have witnessed some crazy things.

     While I was upstairs putting the boys to bed, something happened downstairs. Something horrible. Right before I went upstairs I had let Henry out to go potty, and then let BG out. Henry came upstairs with me, and we were up there for about 15 minutes. I called down to Princess to bring me something, and when she got up there she informed me there was dog poop in the hallway. So I says to her I say, "Shut Up, really!? Your messing with me." To which she replies, "um, no I kid you not". Well I finish up with the boys, getting them all tucked in, and proceed down the stairs, and that's when it hits me. The Smell. OMG! The smell was horrible! I come around the corner of the stairs and before me is the poo. Now this wasn't just any poo, this was monumental poo! 

     From the beginning of the cream hallway carpet and on into the livingroom, there were piles of poo. OMG sized ones, lg ones, tiny ones, and all other sizes in between! "What the hell happened down here", I ask Princess. She calmly says, " I told you there was dog poop." Seriously Princess?! You could have mentioned the fact there were poo bombs all over!" Now I should have known something was wrong because in most instances she will pick up the poo, not that it happens often, but she will do it. This time she just decided to tell me about it. Traitor, I'll get even with her, and I'll just snicker and say, "remember the poo bombs?"

     I go about trying to figure out which dog was the culprit. It wasn't there when I went upstairs, I know this for a fact. Superman has this radar for finding and stepping in poo, so for him to get upstairs unscathed would be a miracle. So it happened while I was upstairs. Next culprit, Henry...thinking not him since he was upstairs with me for I believe the whole time and in order for him to run down stairs and commit this monstrosity, he would have to have super powers. Next, BG. Definitely not her, she was outside the whole time. That leaves only one dog left...Smokey who was not upstairs, and was not in the kitchen with Princess. Little bastard. So I grab him stick his nose in it, and say, "No, bad dog",  and shove his butt outside. At this point I don't care if he scratches a hole all the way through the door. I'm pissed.  

     I go about beginning to clean up the bombs. It is a sad day for me, and disgusting too. I manage to get the first two piles picked up, throw it in the toilet and flush. The toilet promptly becomes clogged and on the verge of overflowing. Shit! (haha literally) Get the plunger and start plunging away. Get that fixed, and move on to the next pile. In all I picked up what would amount to 8 piles of poo bombs. Clogged the toilet again, plunged again. 

     Next it's time to clean the cream hallway and livingroom carpet. I just did this two weeks ago. Fricken dogs. So I get out the carpet cleaner and begin the tedious task of cleaning all the spots, and since I'm at it and the poo was everywhere, I'm cleaning the rest of the carpet. Almost forgot to treat the areas with the stain and odor remover. Glad I remembered in time. I finally finish with the carpet cleaning and decide...it's time for a smoke. Yes I smoke, shut up and leave me alone already will ya. It is then I remember the load of laundry that has been in the washing machine since the day before. I run down and grab it and finish it.

     Welcome to my world, and let me tell you this...Smokey will be going outside today whether he likes it or not. I sure am not having another day like that.

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