I Hate the Holidays, but I Love the Food

The holidays are upon us again, and everyday I have been seeing a lot of let's list the things we are thankful for. You know, it's not a bad idea, but I am kinda seeing a trend here, and I am anything but trendy. I personally don't think that we should just pick a day (Thanksgiving) or a month to name the things we are thankful for. We should be saying at least one thing...every day. This includes me too. 

I have been trying to get into the holiday spirit for the last couple of years. The worse I guess was when I worked in the biggest discount store during the holidays. I got slammed with a big ole case of depression. I mean beside the greed of the store it's self, I got a rude awakening on just how gimme gimme our society has become. People are disgusting. I have never in my life done a black friday shopping trip, and I will never ever set foot outside my door on another black friday. I don't give a rat's ass if they promise and guarantee something for free. It ain't happening. That is unless they are giving me a house or a Harley, and then I just might think about it.

The fighting and greed of people blew me away. Here I was homeless and living with my family in a motel room. Barely able to afford the gas to even get to work, and here were thousands of people shoving and pushing just so they could get multiple items that were the same. One lady had 6 of the same tv's, I wont even mention the rest of the stuff in her cart. It made me sick, and I really mean that it almost made me puke.

Now I'm not saying all this to try getting your sympathy, or try playing the poor me act.
What I'm trying to say is, we have forgotten all about what the real meaning is, and also forgotten that getting stuff isn't what we should be all about, or for that matter putting ourselves into debt. 

So I guess for me and my family we don't do the whole black Friday thing, nor do we rack up a ton of debt trying to keep up with the Jone's (seriously sorry if that is your last name, who the hell came up with that one?) We don't even save up, or usually buy gifts ahead of time. I tried that one year, and I found the presents 5 yrs later. I guess some would call this bad planing, but I call it, keeping it real. 

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and we don't break out in a sweat to make it the best dinner ever. Years ago when we had our restaurant, we were of course closed for the great turkey day. Keep in mind we lived in a very small community and everyone knew where everyone lived. People started showing up at our door. With food. We had to go to the restaurant as there wasn't enough room at our place for all the people, and that's kinda how it's been ever since. We don't plan for people to come over, they just show up and that's ok. Most of the time we don't even buy the meal goodies until the day before. Now don't get me wrong, we (and when I say we, I mean me) put out one heck of a spread. We have the ham, the turkey, green bean cass, dinner rolls, cranberries, salad, candied sweet potato cass, pie, mashed taters and of course the gravy. All usually made by scratch, the day of. 

I don't stress, and I dont get crabby unless I didn't get a good nights sleep the night before, or people keep coming in the kitchen and bugging me. I do however reward myself with a nice long nap afterwards. I feed them, and then I'm done for the day. Mom no longer exists, go bug dad.

So I wish that you all have a very thankful Thanksgiving, and thank you all for being part of my life also. On that note...I must head to the store because I forgot the apples for the apple crisp. Snap.

The End of the Begining part 12

October 23, 2012

So after not hearing any thing about the foster care/adoption in a while, things suddenly started rolling in. Back ground checks cleared, appointments made for foster care training...things just stared moving again. We were starting to think we had gotten lost in the shuffle. Now there is something I can finally tell people, rather than me just saying, “I have no clue what's going on because I haven't heard anything.”

We are really starting to get excited now! It feels like we are coming in the home stretch, and we should be getting the call any day telling us the kids are on the way. I am going to be taking pictures of everyone, and collecting pictures from family members to put together a family book for the kids, and I will be telling them about family members who are no longer with us, and telling them about the ones who are still with us.

After jumping through hoops, and basically causing chaos down south, I received a call yesterday that made all the work everyone did void.

The kids worker and her supervisor called me to inform me that they were denying us as foster/adoptive parents for my cousins. My heart is crushed, but in a way I kind of thought it would go this way. They already had a plan in place and I just threw a kink in it. I forced their hand to file all the paperwork and do their job even though it didn't matter as they had already decided not to place the kids with family. Their reasoning and I quote, “The kids are adjusting well to their foster home, and we wouldn't want to disrupt the delicate relationship that has been formed. We have even been able to reduce their medications, but behaviors are escalating. You don't make enough money, their on going mental health care is going to be expensive, and Medicaid might not pay for it all, you don't have enough space, and you are not married”. These are their excuses for denying us.

They knew how much money we made before any paperwork was filled out, we also told them we were getting a bigger place, and as far as getting married, not a problem, Medicaid not covering it all...well gee that's what insurance is for. Behaviors escalating, well I can't do anything about that here while they are down there, but I do wonder why the meds were not raised back up as soon as they saw the behaviors start to spin out of control. Their story is a bunch of BS, just like it has been all along, contradiction after contradiction. I was told “the next foster home the kids go to is going to be their adoptive home”, and they can't stay where they are now. Yet now their current foster parents are adopting them. Let me see, another lie they told me.

We could still bring them to court and force the judges hand, but unfortunately our pockets are not that deep, so the family book is being made not to share with them when they come home now, but rather for when they come home at the age of eighteen and are legal adults, and I know they will. So for now, I will make the book, and pack it away for that day, and just continue to pray for God's hand to be over them.

The kids here, of course are sad also, and as I was tucking Jokester into bed last night he asked, “so when are we getting kids?” I explained that we wouldn't be getting OUR kids, because their state said no. To which he replied, “I know that, I wasn't talking about OUR kids, but when are we getting different kids? I want more kids, so please go find more kids for me mom.” Not sure what his motive is there. I can only hope that it is because he wants to help those less fortunate, but I think his agenda might be to have more kids to play with.

Who knows what the future might bring. We never really talked about adopting or fostering a child in the first place. I guess it never occurred to us, until this situation presented it's self to us. Even my state was blown away with the other states decision. On a more positive note, our state decided that we were acceptable to foster children and were invited to proceed with becoming licensed, not that it helps in this case. 

On an end note, the best way to start my day today is, having my foster care worker still show up this morning with my paperwork because she didn't get my message about us being denied. How ironic. Crap.

I would also like to encourage you out there to maybe look into fostering or adopting a child who is a ward of their state. Just because this didn't work out for me, doesn't mean that it would be the same for you. There are so many out there that are waiting for a home. There are many who have medical conditions, many who have behaviors, many who are a sibling group, but none the less they still need someone to love them and be there for them. There are many who are aging out of the system, and would just like someone to call mom or dad as they move into and through adulthood. You know someone just to call and ask advice and be their support system.

Even though I'm upset about the decision, at least I know that the children will be cared for and loved. I also have every intention to send information for the kids files so that when they do start looking for family, they can at least learn that someone did fight for them.

The Begining and Possibly the End. Part 11

7/30/2012
So I asked a couple of friends to come over and assist me in finishing the house so we are ready for our home study, and with their help we kicked butt and got it all sparkly and shinny. Thank you my girls! Oh my gosh! My worker called me back today and told me that I needed to make sure we filled out the paperwork she emailed me. I told her the paperwork I had didn't have any place to write on it. Turns out she sent me more forms, that gives bitty spots to write a brief long answer. Yes I know I just contradicted myself, but it's true. There are sections that ask multiple questions and you have to give very brief answers. Yeah fun! I have never contemplated the nurturing going on during my childhood until I had to answer that question, then again I guess I never really thought a lot about stuff like that. It just was, and I'm finding it kinda hard to put into words.. I understand that many of the kids out there didn't have a "normal" childhood and that is why they are where they are and the workers what to make sure the home they go to has the right stuff. Good gads.

She also told me that this case, which she still hasn't gotten a chance to read is a rule 7. She then continued on as if I had a clue as to what she was talking about. I finally got her to stop and explain what a rule 7 was. Basically it means that my worker now has only 20 days to do our home study which involves the interviews and all the paperwork, rather than the normal 30 days.  Why? Because the state the kids are in wants them in their new home ASAP. Can't blame them one bit, and I guess it's a good thing for us as we might get them sooner and hopefully before school starts.

So tomorrow is the first of the home studies, and she will be mainly focusing on DH, so he doesn't have to miss a bunch of work except for when we go to court. I think I kinda like it that way cuz then I can see what I'm in for and try to get my thoughts in order. Now if I can only figure out where to put the boys until it's time to meet the worker so they don't mess the house up. Sigh.

The Begining and Possibly the End. Part 10

July 27, 2012

A couple of weeks ago I called down to Texas to check up on the status of things, and to see how the kids were doing.
Their worker answered and said, Oh! I was just going to call you. I forgot to get your SS#'s. I got a email last week asking for them." Well, gee whiz sweetheart, you got it last week and today is Friday...sigh.

Anyhow she said that this was the last thing needed before sending it off to Minnesota. I kinda didn't believe her. I mean this has been such a pain in the ass the whole time. I just kinda filed it back in the old filing cabinet that is called my brain...have I mentioned that my filing system seems to be broke a lot? Luckily I did remember to pass the news along to all the people waiting just as impatiently as me. The best answer I could give them as to when this would all start was, as soon as last week, or who the heck knows when.

I really should re-read my last post before starting a new one. That was pretty much all a recap of what I said before.
D'Oh, sorry.
So I get a call today, and I looked at the number before I answered the phone and it kinda looked familiar but wasn't sure. OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! It was county calling me about the kids. My county, not Texas's county. She literally had just gotten the notice that she got my case, and didn't even have the case in front of her yet! HALLAFRICKINULA!!! Finally we are on my turf...sort of. I at least speak the same language. This lady was awesome! She is the link that I needed all along. Me and her are going to get along just swimmingly.

Then it hits me...holy shit this is the lady who has the power to say we are not good enough as foster/adoptive parents!  This is the lady who will be looking into EVERY single little wrinkle of my life. She will be judging me based on how my life has turned out, or not turned out. She is the human form of God on judgement day. I could be so screwed. I mean I have always tried to live my life decently, but there was some times where I just straight up didn't use my brain, and the out comes were...well...not so pretty. 

She sounded so happy to have gotten a hold of me right away. Apparently, she has had a streak of wrong numbers or whatever and has used up two of the four weeks she has to get this all done just trying to get a hold of the people. Not the case with me, oh no baby. Here I am! Right here! See me jumping up and down? Over here! Hi I'm Kim, and I will be available anytime you need me.

So because DH is the only bread winner of the family, she is going to try to do this with as little lost time from work as possible for him. What a sweetheart! So we set up a date for the first homestudy. (We get to have three or four of these lovely interrogation.)for the 6th of August, that way he had time to let work know he needed that day off. He gets off early today and says...nope that's not gonna work. Umm, what do you mean that's not going to work? Let me explain the way things go regarding adoption and dealing with the state...we politely nod our heads yes, and say whatever works for you is just fine for us. Apparently just about everyone in his office is taking that day off. This would include the only other person who know's how to do his job. Shaaa it! 

So I call my worker back. You have no idea how wonderful that sounds to my ears. My worker. She is all mine. Mine, mine, mine. Ok, enough already, I call her back and very humbly ask, "can we reschedule please? He just found out that the other person who can do his job is on vacation that day. I am so very sorry." Well after some time we figured it out and settled for the 1st of the month. Whoa Nellie! I just moved this up six days, and I am so not ready for them to come and see my house. I am almost there, but ya know, life happens and things get put on the back burner...It is officially time to PANIC! People have been asking me all along, if I'm getting stressed out or anything, and I haven't. That is until I received the phone call and was given an actual date for this to start. 

So Princess and I started cleaning the kitchen. Well I should say Princess started cleaning, because I was busy running around in circles. I was making to do lists, shopping lists, notes telling me what I was supposed to be doing, texting my peeps, calling my Uncle...I did manage to clean almost all the pantry so I guess I did some cleaning. I even managed to get 98% of the girls room done too. Cooking dinner was a breeze as we ordered pizza. I was a very bad girl and strayed from my diet. I figured it was ok to have extra sodium since I hadn't eaten yet. And now I am just babbling.

I suppose I should finally tell my dad about our attempt to adopt the kids. I'll call him up and say something along the lines of, "oh by the way your going to have to buy extra birthday cards cuz we're adopting three more kiddies."  I just know what he's gonna say. "Why in the hell are you going to do this? Don't you have enough problems and crap? You can't even afford the kids you have." Ok maybe he wont say the last line, but I know he's thinking it. I know he doesn't understand why I do things like this, and that's ok. Hell, for that matter sometimes I don't have a clue as to why I do it. All I know is that it feels like the right thing to do. So it's really time to hang on to our hats and take off like a whirlwind. Ok, well maybe not, but my worker has only 30 days to get this all done, so here we go. 

The Begining and Possibly the End. Part 9

June 29th
I called the kids social worker today and got her answering machine. I then called her supervisor and she answered. I explained that I was wondering if we could set-up a skype session with the kids and big brother, and also wanted to know about any progress there might have been.

She of course said that it wasn't up to her on the skype session, but that she would bring the idea to the other people who have the say so. She said the kids were adjusting well to their foster home. I specifically asked about the child who was diagnosed with RAD, to get a feel as to how well the child was adjusting. It sounds like the ability to adjust well is there, but of course there are going to be problems for awhile. In fact while talking to the supervisor there was no mention of the horrible problems that these kids seem to have or be diagnosed with. Strange. When they were trying to scare me off they made it seem like these kids were so horrible and hard to handle, but now that they actually were looking at me as a serious possibility to place these kids...not hardly a mention. I asked the supervisor if they were for real considering  us as adoptive parents, or if they were just telling me stuff to appease me so they didn't have to deal with me, and she said no that this is for real, and very quietly and quickly mentioned in an off handed manner that she didn't know what to do if this fell through as this was the last chance, mumble,  mumble...kids. She also mentioned that the foster home the kids were in is only a long term home. It seems to me that they really don't have anyone who is willing to adopt all three of them, and I am the last chance. I really hope we pass the homestudy.

July 13th
I called the worker to see how things were going, and to ask a couple of questions. I left a message for her, and she called me back a couple of hours later. That is a first! Hallelujah! Usually it takes them a week to call me back. I think it might have been because she needed more info from me, but I like to think that it's cuz I'm in on this. 
I wanted to know what sizes the kids were wearing, and what was their favorite things to play with, and favorite colors. She said that she would have to talk to the foster mom on the sizes, but that the oldest is very girly girl, the boy is infatuated with CARS, and the youngest is happy with whatever. Not something I would associate with RAD, but what the hell do I know. The boy was able to have a pool party for his birthday, and they have been going to camp, and doing lots of activities this summer. A chance to be real kids, how wonderful! Once again no mention of the sever issues these kids was mentioned. Guess they are done trying to scare me away for now. The worker also seemed super surprised when I mentioned that we were almost done setting up the house for the kids. Not sure why she would be surprised as everyone keeps telling me to get ready like they will be dropping them off when they do the homestudy. 

I kinda feel like I could never live up to the funness of their foster home. It seems like a very nice place to live, and they have been able to send them to so many different programs and stuff. How am I ever to compete with that? I mean here we are just regular people, and find it hard enough to figure out how to go fishing. I have no idea how to plan this stuff out. I feel like I kinda suck. It sounds like the foster home is perfect, and we are very far from that. How are we supposed to pass the homestudy if we can't even begin to compete with that?

I have moments too, that this might be more than I can handle. I think to myself, "holy crap! Three more kids to take care of, am I freaking insane?!" I like my life as it is, but sometimes God takes us very far from the path we think we were supposed to be on. He really seems to have fun with me for some reason. What can I do but keep on putting one foot in front of the other. I've learned that panicking or complaining about it sure isn't going to solve anything, so I might as well make the best of it, and try to have fun while I stumble through life. A very wise lesson I have somehow managed to learn. I wish I could pass it on to friends, but it's a lesson you have to come upon by yourself. 

Well according to the worker, the information she needed was the last of it, and the paperwork would be getting sent to my state. Here's keeping fingers crossed.

The Begining and Possibly the End. Part 8

5/29/2012

So I gave the regional supervisor a whole week to call me back. I didn't hear a thing from her. I decided that I would call her tomorrow since today was spent recovering from the crazy amount of cooking and prep I did yesterday. Just was pretty out of it today, and not in the mood to deal with bureaucratic bs.

In the middle of making dinner tonight I got a phone call from Texas. It was the regional supervisor finally calling me. Now this lady had that southern drawl I had been expecting from all the others. She was so sweet sounding I just wanted to reach through the phone and give her a big hug. Oops getting back to the point. So she tells me that they are sending the papers to the judge to expedite my home study. PROGRESS FINALLY!!! I guess it pays to make a call to headquarters and send them on the war path. When 1+1 isn't making 2 it's time to investigate what's going on. So very sorry I cause a stink...naw, no I'm not made you do your job.

Ya know just as I sit down to write this, the family thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread. It is now two days later, let's see if I can finish this. I sent my best girls, and DH a text telling them the good news. I called the wonderful lady who got me started with the classes and has been giving me little hints of advice when dealing with Texas. Got a big ol' WA-hoo out of her, and of course had to tell her how it all came about.

Now here is the reality setting in...I have a home study to do. I have no idea when it will begin, but I guess I will find out when the call comes. In the mean time...I gots a whole lotta work to do here. I have been cleaning things out like a crazy person around here. I can finally see the floor in my closet. I haven't seen it since all our stuff was shipped here and we just shoved stuff in there to get it out of the way. The worst thing is there were only three small boxes of my stuff. All the rest was Princess's and DH's.

I shall pause to insert the following: I think Smokey is going deaf. Either that or he has very selective hearing. Good thing...his nose works way too good, so if I have to get his attention I just grab a piece of food lol.

Back to reality. My house. Filled with crap, and no storage space. We wont mention the fact I suck at organizing. We don't have a garage, and the basement small and  is so damp we have to be careful what we put down there. That means we take over closets. All of them are filled to the ceiling with crap. Plus we have WAY to much furniture that just isn't working in this house. Don't want to get rid of it since most of it is nice and it would work in a larger home, but we have no place to store it. Oh yeah, we're still working on buying a house so we will be moving within the next year. When we go big, we go big around here.

So on top of trying to empty the house, we are also trying to fill it. We need to have physical proof that the kids will have their own beds, dressers...basically stuff. We need a bunk bed, and a twin bed. We need dressers, we need clothes and toys for these kids. I am sure they will be coming with pretty much nothing. Oh did I mention...we are broke right now? Yeah there isn't much money right now. Not sure how that happened, but hopefully DH will be getting a big FAT raise with his promotion that was supposed to start two weeks ago, but has been put off until next Monday. In the mean time I am surfing my free sites and gonna be hitting some garage sales as soon as I get some cash. HOPEFULLY I will be able to find all this stuff ASAP, and get the kids rooms set up. Damn I better pass this fuckin home study, cuz if I don't that will be a butt load of more crap to get rid of. On the positive side of what would be a shitty situation...my house will be empty. Thinking that's not a very good thing to look forward too.

Ok now to jump over here for a moment. When I spoke with the worker, the immediate supervisor, and the regional supervisor they all said that the children had severe, (and yes they all said some form of severe) behavior, social, mental issues. One of them let it slip that the youngest had RAD also known as Reactive Attachment Disorder. This child may or may not have this, I guess I will find out when I pass my home study, and they actually let me see just what the hell is up. What I hate, and I really hate it, is when the people in the medical field give such a broad range of symptoms. It almost seems like they keep coming up with stuff to box in children and people when they don't fit into their "normal" box. Now I read the symptoms of this disorder, and to be honest, I have seen many people and children with the same behaviors. Ugh...my thoughts and feelings on this encompass way more time than I have to write it all down here.

And on that note...I'm gonna sit here and look at my house and try to come up with a game plan. Lord help me.

The Begining and Possibly the End. Part 7

5/21-22/2012

Monday
So after speaking with the mother of the children and hearing her side, and getting to speak to her mother I decided to write a letter pleading my case to someone high up regarding this case. Well at least that was my intentions on Friday. It's Monday now, and as I went to sit down to really write this letter out, my hands got a mind of their own. I found that rather than looking up the information that was needed for this letter, my hands started typing in other stuff. I ended back up at the headquarters for Texas CPS. Now I just wrote them an email about this whole mess on the 14th.  Something keeps drawing me to them as the possible answer in dealing with this county.

So, I made a phone call, and asked what the formal way of going about letting whomever it is about my intentions of adopting these kids. This lady was so sweet. I gave her a very brief run down on what had been going on regarding the worker, and her supervisor. I told her of my fear that I was not being given a fair opportunity on adopting the kids, or that any of my conversations were being documented in the case record. After all for some reason they were not aware of my other relative, even though that relative had been called several times by them. What can they say, "oops! My bad I forgot to document you in the case file." Not going to let that happen. Thank you Ramsey County for giving me ideas in regards to dealing with these people. Guess it just takes one to know one.

So this sweet lady tells me that it sounds like it needs to be investigated and that she will give me a call by the end of the day. She also said that if it turns out something fishy is going on that she will give me the number to file a formal complaint to the State of Texas. She called me later that day to let me know that she was having trouble finding out information, and getting a hold of  people also, and that she was going to keep digging and would call me tomorrow. She gave me her direct line and re-assured me that she was calling me back like she said she would.

Tuesday
The lady from CPS headquarters called me back, but unfortunately I missed her call. I was at one end of the house, phone what on the other end. Missed it by one ring. Dang! She did leave me a message though, and told me that she had finally gotten a hold of the regional director of CPS and that she would be calling me, and if there was any thing else she could help me with to give her a call. The supervisor she was trying to get a hold of turns out to be one of the supervisors that I had called and left a message with, and one of the people who never called me back. This message was late in the day so I didn't think  that she would be calling today, but I am expecting her call tomorrow.

I feel so helpless sitting here having to rely on someone else to make a decision. I am restless, but can't seem to make myself do anything. Tired, but eyes pop wide open bright and early. Good Lord I hope this lady gives me some answers. This time I made sure I wrote down my questions that I want specific answers too. Speaking of wanting specific answers I had better find an app that will record what I'm saying. I don't have something to record the phone conversation, but I sure can and will be irritating by repeating everything she says to me so I can record it.