The End of the Begining part 12

October 23, 2012

So after not hearing any thing about the foster care/adoption in a while, things suddenly started rolling in. Back ground checks cleared, appointments made for foster care training...things just stared moving again. We were starting to think we had gotten lost in the shuffle. Now there is something I can finally tell people, rather than me just saying, “I have no clue what's going on because I haven't heard anything.”

We are really starting to get excited now! It feels like we are coming in the home stretch, and we should be getting the call any day telling us the kids are on the way. I am going to be taking pictures of everyone, and collecting pictures from family members to put together a family book for the kids, and I will be telling them about family members who are no longer with us, and telling them about the ones who are still with us.

After jumping through hoops, and basically causing chaos down south, I received a call yesterday that made all the work everyone did void.

The kids worker and her supervisor called me to inform me that they were denying us as foster/adoptive parents for my cousins. My heart is crushed, but in a way I kind of thought it would go this way. They already had a plan in place and I just threw a kink in it. I forced their hand to file all the paperwork and do their job even though it didn't matter as they had already decided not to place the kids with family. Their reasoning and I quote, “The kids are adjusting well to their foster home, and we wouldn't want to disrupt the delicate relationship that has been formed. We have even been able to reduce their medications, but behaviors are escalating. You don't make enough money, their on going mental health care is going to be expensive, and Medicaid might not pay for it all, you don't have enough space, and you are not married”. These are their excuses for denying us.

They knew how much money we made before any paperwork was filled out, we also told them we were getting a bigger place, and as far as getting married, not a problem, Medicaid not covering it all...well gee that's what insurance is for. Behaviors escalating, well I can't do anything about that here while they are down there, but I do wonder why the meds were not raised back up as soon as they saw the behaviors start to spin out of control. Their story is a bunch of BS, just like it has been all along, contradiction after contradiction. I was told “the next foster home the kids go to is going to be their adoptive home”, and they can't stay where they are now. Yet now their current foster parents are adopting them. Let me see, another lie they told me.

We could still bring them to court and force the judges hand, but unfortunately our pockets are not that deep, so the family book is being made not to share with them when they come home now, but rather for when they come home at the age of eighteen and are legal adults, and I know they will. So for now, I will make the book, and pack it away for that day, and just continue to pray for God's hand to be over them.

The kids here, of course are sad also, and as I was tucking Jokester into bed last night he asked, “so when are we getting kids?” I explained that we wouldn't be getting OUR kids, because their state said no. To which he replied, “I know that, I wasn't talking about OUR kids, but when are we getting different kids? I want more kids, so please go find more kids for me mom.” Not sure what his motive is there. I can only hope that it is because he wants to help those less fortunate, but I think his agenda might be to have more kids to play with.

Who knows what the future might bring. We never really talked about adopting or fostering a child in the first place. I guess it never occurred to us, until this situation presented it's self to us. Even my state was blown away with the other states decision. On a more positive note, our state decided that we were acceptable to foster children and were invited to proceed with becoming licensed, not that it helps in this case. 

On an end note, the best way to start my day today is, having my foster care worker still show up this morning with my paperwork because she didn't get my message about us being denied. How ironic. Crap.

I would also like to encourage you out there to maybe look into fostering or adopting a child who is a ward of their state. Just because this didn't work out for me, doesn't mean that it would be the same for you. There are so many out there that are waiting for a home. There are many who have medical conditions, many who have behaviors, many who are a sibling group, but none the less they still need someone to love them and be there for them. There are many who are aging out of the system, and would just like someone to call mom or dad as they move into and through adulthood. You know someone just to call and ask advice and be their support system.

Even though I'm upset about the decision, at least I know that the children will be cared for and loved. I also have every intention to send information for the kids files so that when they do start looking for family, they can at least learn that someone did fight for them.