Reminers of the Need to Hug and Love...

The tragedy in Connecticut is horrible, unfathomable, unbelievable, and a shock to the system. What could have cause a person to walk into a school classroom and start shooting innocent children, and others? Wow, there is this thing called communication. You have a problem, you talk about it. If the person is unreceptive, you move on with your life..away from them. You don't arm yourself and just march into a place and start blasting away. 

I have no idea what the hell is going on with society lately. It's like people all of a sudden think that the world revolves around them. Nothing matters but their happiness. What a bunch of selfish little shits. I think it's time we stopped being afraid to discipline our children and get them back on the correct road. What do I know though, I'm just a mom.

The main reason that I am writing this however is that after reading status update after update telling me that I need to, "hug my children more, and love them more" I started to get kinda pissed. (yes I have issues, so do you)  I'm sorry...excuse me? Since when do I need someone to tell me that I need to do this? How about this, if someone does in fact have a legit reason for telling me this, then I shouldn't have my kids in my custody. If this is the case, then I have more serious issues to deal with.

Here's the deal, my kids drive me nuts, stress me out, and test my patience Every. Single. Day. It is a game with them to see just how far they can push my buttons before I will snap. They get my blood boiling, and my BP sky high. They frustrate me to no end, and make me want to run away. Very far, far away. In all honesty there are days that I really wish I hadn't had kids, but the reality is...I do have kids, and I love them just as fiercely as the drive they have to continually push my buttons.

With that being said, there is no possible way that I could hug my kids more, or love them more. They are my life, pure and simple. Now I'm sure that I might have just pissed a few of you off. Guess what? I don't care. Some of you might be thinking that I got the message wrong. Um, no I did not. There is another message floating around that is similar, but has a very different meaning. It is something along the lines of, "be thankful that you still have your children to hug and love." Amen, and very true, and I most definitely am, but I do this on a daily basis, not just because a tragedy happened.

Nothing anyone does or could ever do can take away the pain and heartache that these people are experiencing. Hopefully with God's help and others prayers and support they will be able to move through in life. How about we tell them that we are there for them, and will support them, rather than sit there and share stupid little blurps about how everyone else should hug and love their kids more. How cruel, for these parent and families that are affected by this horrible senseless brutality  to see those postings as they no longer have that person to hug and love.

I Hate the Holidays, but I Love the Food

The holidays are upon us again, and everyday I have been seeing a lot of let's list the things we are thankful for. You know, it's not a bad idea, but I am kinda seeing a trend here, and I am anything but trendy. I personally don't think that we should just pick a day (Thanksgiving) or a month to name the things we are thankful for. We should be saying at least one thing...every day. This includes me too. 

I have been trying to get into the holiday spirit for the last couple of years. The worse I guess was when I worked in the biggest discount store during the holidays. I got slammed with a big ole case of depression. I mean beside the greed of the store it's self, I got a rude awakening on just how gimme gimme our society has become. People are disgusting. I have never in my life done a black friday shopping trip, and I will never ever set foot outside my door on another black friday. I don't give a rat's ass if they promise and guarantee something for free. It ain't happening. That is unless they are giving me a house or a Harley, and then I just might think about it.

The fighting and greed of people blew me away. Here I was homeless and living with my family in a motel room. Barely able to afford the gas to even get to work, and here were thousands of people shoving and pushing just so they could get multiple items that were the same. One lady had 6 of the same tv's, I wont even mention the rest of the stuff in her cart. It made me sick, and I really mean that it almost made me puke.

Now I'm not saying all this to try getting your sympathy, or try playing the poor me act.
What I'm trying to say is, we have forgotten all about what the real meaning is, and also forgotten that getting stuff isn't what we should be all about, or for that matter putting ourselves into debt. 

So I guess for me and my family we don't do the whole black Friday thing, nor do we rack up a ton of debt trying to keep up with the Jone's (seriously sorry if that is your last name, who the hell came up with that one?) We don't even save up, or usually buy gifts ahead of time. I tried that one year, and I found the presents 5 yrs later. I guess some would call this bad planing, but I call it, keeping it real. 

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and we don't break out in a sweat to make it the best dinner ever. Years ago when we had our restaurant, we were of course closed for the great turkey day. Keep in mind we lived in a very small community and everyone knew where everyone lived. People started showing up at our door. With food. We had to go to the restaurant as there wasn't enough room at our place for all the people, and that's kinda how it's been ever since. We don't plan for people to come over, they just show up and that's ok. Most of the time we don't even buy the meal goodies until the day before. Now don't get me wrong, we (and when I say we, I mean me) put out one heck of a spread. We have the ham, the turkey, green bean cass, dinner rolls, cranberries, salad, candied sweet potato cass, pie, mashed taters and of course the gravy. All usually made by scratch, the day of. 

I don't stress, and I dont get crabby unless I didn't get a good nights sleep the night before, or people keep coming in the kitchen and bugging me. I do however reward myself with a nice long nap afterwards. I feed them, and then I'm done for the day. Mom no longer exists, go bug dad.

So I wish that you all have a very thankful Thanksgiving, and thank you all for being part of my life also. On that note...I must head to the store because I forgot the apples for the apple crisp. Snap.

The End of the Begining part 12

October 23, 2012

So after not hearing any thing about the foster care/adoption in a while, things suddenly started rolling in. Back ground checks cleared, appointments made for foster care training...things just stared moving again. We were starting to think we had gotten lost in the shuffle. Now there is something I can finally tell people, rather than me just saying, “I have no clue what's going on because I haven't heard anything.”

We are really starting to get excited now! It feels like we are coming in the home stretch, and we should be getting the call any day telling us the kids are on the way. I am going to be taking pictures of everyone, and collecting pictures from family members to put together a family book for the kids, and I will be telling them about family members who are no longer with us, and telling them about the ones who are still with us.

After jumping through hoops, and basically causing chaos down south, I received a call yesterday that made all the work everyone did void.

The kids worker and her supervisor called me to inform me that they were denying us as foster/adoptive parents for my cousins. My heart is crushed, but in a way I kind of thought it would go this way. They already had a plan in place and I just threw a kink in it. I forced their hand to file all the paperwork and do their job even though it didn't matter as they had already decided not to place the kids with family. Their reasoning and I quote, “The kids are adjusting well to their foster home, and we wouldn't want to disrupt the delicate relationship that has been formed. We have even been able to reduce their medications, but behaviors are escalating. You don't make enough money, their on going mental health care is going to be expensive, and Medicaid might not pay for it all, you don't have enough space, and you are not married”. These are their excuses for denying us.

They knew how much money we made before any paperwork was filled out, we also told them we were getting a bigger place, and as far as getting married, not a problem, Medicaid not covering it all...well gee that's what insurance is for. Behaviors escalating, well I can't do anything about that here while they are down there, but I do wonder why the meds were not raised back up as soon as they saw the behaviors start to spin out of control. Their story is a bunch of BS, just like it has been all along, contradiction after contradiction. I was told “the next foster home the kids go to is going to be their adoptive home”, and they can't stay where they are now. Yet now their current foster parents are adopting them. Let me see, another lie they told me.

We could still bring them to court and force the judges hand, but unfortunately our pockets are not that deep, so the family book is being made not to share with them when they come home now, but rather for when they come home at the age of eighteen and are legal adults, and I know they will. So for now, I will make the book, and pack it away for that day, and just continue to pray for God's hand to be over them.

The kids here, of course are sad also, and as I was tucking Jokester into bed last night he asked, “so when are we getting kids?” I explained that we wouldn't be getting OUR kids, because their state said no. To which he replied, “I know that, I wasn't talking about OUR kids, but when are we getting different kids? I want more kids, so please go find more kids for me mom.” Not sure what his motive is there. I can only hope that it is because he wants to help those less fortunate, but I think his agenda might be to have more kids to play with.

Who knows what the future might bring. We never really talked about adopting or fostering a child in the first place. I guess it never occurred to us, until this situation presented it's self to us. Even my state was blown away with the other states decision. On a more positive note, our state decided that we were acceptable to foster children and were invited to proceed with becoming licensed, not that it helps in this case. 

On an end note, the best way to start my day today is, having my foster care worker still show up this morning with my paperwork because she didn't get my message about us being denied. How ironic. Crap.

I would also like to encourage you out there to maybe look into fostering or adopting a child who is a ward of their state. Just because this didn't work out for me, doesn't mean that it would be the same for you. There are so many out there that are waiting for a home. There are many who have medical conditions, many who have behaviors, many who are a sibling group, but none the less they still need someone to love them and be there for them. There are many who are aging out of the system, and would just like someone to call mom or dad as they move into and through adulthood. You know someone just to call and ask advice and be their support system.

Even though I'm upset about the decision, at least I know that the children will be cared for and loved. I also have every intention to send information for the kids files so that when they do start looking for family, they can at least learn that someone did fight for them.

The Begining and Possibly the End. Part 11

7/30/2012
So I asked a couple of friends to come over and assist me in finishing the house so we are ready for our home study, and with their help we kicked butt and got it all sparkly and shinny. Thank you my girls! Oh my gosh! My worker called me back today and told me that I needed to make sure we filled out the paperwork she emailed me. I told her the paperwork I had didn't have any place to write on it. Turns out she sent me more forms, that gives bitty spots to write a brief long answer. Yes I know I just contradicted myself, but it's true. There are sections that ask multiple questions and you have to give very brief answers. Yeah fun! I have never contemplated the nurturing going on during my childhood until I had to answer that question, then again I guess I never really thought a lot about stuff like that. It just was, and I'm finding it kinda hard to put into words.. I understand that many of the kids out there didn't have a "normal" childhood and that is why they are where they are and the workers what to make sure the home they go to has the right stuff. Good gads.

She also told me that this case, which she still hasn't gotten a chance to read is a rule 7. She then continued on as if I had a clue as to what she was talking about. I finally got her to stop and explain what a rule 7 was. Basically it means that my worker now has only 20 days to do our home study which involves the interviews and all the paperwork, rather than the normal 30 days.  Why? Because the state the kids are in wants them in their new home ASAP. Can't blame them one bit, and I guess it's a good thing for us as we might get them sooner and hopefully before school starts.

So tomorrow is the first of the home studies, and she will be mainly focusing on DH, so he doesn't have to miss a bunch of work except for when we go to court. I think I kinda like it that way cuz then I can see what I'm in for and try to get my thoughts in order. Now if I can only figure out where to put the boys until it's time to meet the worker so they don't mess the house up. Sigh.

The Begining and Possibly the End. Part 10

July 27, 2012

A couple of weeks ago I called down to Texas to check up on the status of things, and to see how the kids were doing.
Their worker answered and said, Oh! I was just going to call you. I forgot to get your SS#'s. I got a email last week asking for them." Well, gee whiz sweetheart, you got it last week and today is Friday...sigh.

Anyhow she said that this was the last thing needed before sending it off to Minnesota. I kinda didn't believe her. I mean this has been such a pain in the ass the whole time. I just kinda filed it back in the old filing cabinet that is called my brain...have I mentioned that my filing system seems to be broke a lot? Luckily I did remember to pass the news along to all the people waiting just as impatiently as me. The best answer I could give them as to when this would all start was, as soon as last week, or who the heck knows when.

I really should re-read my last post before starting a new one. That was pretty much all a recap of what I said before.
D'Oh, sorry.
So I get a call today, and I looked at the number before I answered the phone and it kinda looked familiar but wasn't sure. OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! It was county calling me about the kids. My county, not Texas's county. She literally had just gotten the notice that she got my case, and didn't even have the case in front of her yet! HALLAFRICKINULA!!! Finally we are on my turf...sort of. I at least speak the same language. This lady was awesome! She is the link that I needed all along. Me and her are going to get along just swimmingly.

Then it hits me...holy shit this is the lady who has the power to say we are not good enough as foster/adoptive parents!  This is the lady who will be looking into EVERY single little wrinkle of my life. She will be judging me based on how my life has turned out, or not turned out. She is the human form of God on judgement day. I could be so screwed. I mean I have always tried to live my life decently, but there was some times where I just straight up didn't use my brain, and the out comes were...well...not so pretty. 

She sounded so happy to have gotten a hold of me right away. Apparently, she has had a streak of wrong numbers or whatever and has used up two of the four weeks she has to get this all done just trying to get a hold of the people. Not the case with me, oh no baby. Here I am! Right here! See me jumping up and down? Over here! Hi I'm Kim, and I will be available anytime you need me.

So because DH is the only bread winner of the family, she is going to try to do this with as little lost time from work as possible for him. What a sweetheart! So we set up a date for the first homestudy. (We get to have three or four of these lovely interrogation.)for the 6th of August, that way he had time to let work know he needed that day off. He gets off early today and says...nope that's not gonna work. Umm, what do you mean that's not going to work? Let me explain the way things go regarding adoption and dealing with the state...we politely nod our heads yes, and say whatever works for you is just fine for us. Apparently just about everyone in his office is taking that day off. This would include the only other person who know's how to do his job. Shaaa it! 

So I call my worker back. You have no idea how wonderful that sounds to my ears. My worker. She is all mine. Mine, mine, mine. Ok, enough already, I call her back and very humbly ask, "can we reschedule please? He just found out that the other person who can do his job is on vacation that day. I am so very sorry." Well after some time we figured it out and settled for the 1st of the month. Whoa Nellie! I just moved this up six days, and I am so not ready for them to come and see my house. I am almost there, but ya know, life happens and things get put on the back burner...It is officially time to PANIC! People have been asking me all along, if I'm getting stressed out or anything, and I haven't. That is until I received the phone call and was given an actual date for this to start. 

So Princess and I started cleaning the kitchen. Well I should say Princess started cleaning, because I was busy running around in circles. I was making to do lists, shopping lists, notes telling me what I was supposed to be doing, texting my peeps, calling my Uncle...I did manage to clean almost all the pantry so I guess I did some cleaning. I even managed to get 98% of the girls room done too. Cooking dinner was a breeze as we ordered pizza. I was a very bad girl and strayed from my diet. I figured it was ok to have extra sodium since I hadn't eaten yet. And now I am just babbling.

I suppose I should finally tell my dad about our attempt to adopt the kids. I'll call him up and say something along the lines of, "oh by the way your going to have to buy extra birthday cards cuz we're adopting three more kiddies."  I just know what he's gonna say. "Why in the hell are you going to do this? Don't you have enough problems and crap? You can't even afford the kids you have." Ok maybe he wont say the last line, but I know he's thinking it. I know he doesn't understand why I do things like this, and that's ok. Hell, for that matter sometimes I don't have a clue as to why I do it. All I know is that it feels like the right thing to do. So it's really time to hang on to our hats and take off like a whirlwind. Ok, well maybe not, but my worker has only 30 days to get this all done, so here we go. 

The Begining and Possibly the End. Part 9

June 29th
I called the kids social worker today and got her answering machine. I then called her supervisor and she answered. I explained that I was wondering if we could set-up a skype session with the kids and big brother, and also wanted to know about any progress there might have been.

She of course said that it wasn't up to her on the skype session, but that she would bring the idea to the other people who have the say so. She said the kids were adjusting well to their foster home. I specifically asked about the child who was diagnosed with RAD, to get a feel as to how well the child was adjusting. It sounds like the ability to adjust well is there, but of course there are going to be problems for awhile. In fact while talking to the supervisor there was no mention of the horrible problems that these kids seem to have or be diagnosed with. Strange. When they were trying to scare me off they made it seem like these kids were so horrible and hard to handle, but now that they actually were looking at me as a serious possibility to place these kids...not hardly a mention. I asked the supervisor if they were for real considering  us as adoptive parents, or if they were just telling me stuff to appease me so they didn't have to deal with me, and she said no that this is for real, and very quietly and quickly mentioned in an off handed manner that she didn't know what to do if this fell through as this was the last chance, mumble,  mumble...kids. She also mentioned that the foster home the kids were in is only a long term home. It seems to me that they really don't have anyone who is willing to adopt all three of them, and I am the last chance. I really hope we pass the homestudy.

July 13th
I called the worker to see how things were going, and to ask a couple of questions. I left a message for her, and she called me back a couple of hours later. That is a first! Hallelujah! Usually it takes them a week to call me back. I think it might have been because she needed more info from me, but I like to think that it's cuz I'm in on this. 
I wanted to know what sizes the kids were wearing, and what was their favorite things to play with, and favorite colors. She said that she would have to talk to the foster mom on the sizes, but that the oldest is very girly girl, the boy is infatuated with CARS, and the youngest is happy with whatever. Not something I would associate with RAD, but what the hell do I know. The boy was able to have a pool party for his birthday, and they have been going to camp, and doing lots of activities this summer. A chance to be real kids, how wonderful! Once again no mention of the sever issues these kids was mentioned. Guess they are done trying to scare me away for now. The worker also seemed super surprised when I mentioned that we were almost done setting up the house for the kids. Not sure why she would be surprised as everyone keeps telling me to get ready like they will be dropping them off when they do the homestudy. 

I kinda feel like I could never live up to the funness of their foster home. It seems like a very nice place to live, and they have been able to send them to so many different programs and stuff. How am I ever to compete with that? I mean here we are just regular people, and find it hard enough to figure out how to go fishing. I have no idea how to plan this stuff out. I feel like I kinda suck. It sounds like the foster home is perfect, and we are very far from that. How are we supposed to pass the homestudy if we can't even begin to compete with that?

I have moments too, that this might be more than I can handle. I think to myself, "holy crap! Three more kids to take care of, am I freaking insane?!" I like my life as it is, but sometimes God takes us very far from the path we think we were supposed to be on. He really seems to have fun with me for some reason. What can I do but keep on putting one foot in front of the other. I've learned that panicking or complaining about it sure isn't going to solve anything, so I might as well make the best of it, and try to have fun while I stumble through life. A very wise lesson I have somehow managed to learn. I wish I could pass it on to friends, but it's a lesson you have to come upon by yourself. 

Well according to the worker, the information she needed was the last of it, and the paperwork would be getting sent to my state. Here's keeping fingers crossed.

The Begining and Possibly the End. Part 8

5/29/2012

So I gave the regional supervisor a whole week to call me back. I didn't hear a thing from her. I decided that I would call her tomorrow since today was spent recovering from the crazy amount of cooking and prep I did yesterday. Just was pretty out of it today, and not in the mood to deal with bureaucratic bs.

In the middle of making dinner tonight I got a phone call from Texas. It was the regional supervisor finally calling me. Now this lady had that southern drawl I had been expecting from all the others. She was so sweet sounding I just wanted to reach through the phone and give her a big hug. Oops getting back to the point. So she tells me that they are sending the papers to the judge to expedite my home study. PROGRESS FINALLY!!! I guess it pays to make a call to headquarters and send them on the war path. When 1+1 isn't making 2 it's time to investigate what's going on. So very sorry I cause a stink...naw, no I'm not made you do your job.

Ya know just as I sit down to write this, the family thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread. It is now two days later, let's see if I can finish this. I sent my best girls, and DH a text telling them the good news. I called the wonderful lady who got me started with the classes and has been giving me little hints of advice when dealing with Texas. Got a big ol' WA-hoo out of her, and of course had to tell her how it all came about.

Now here is the reality setting in...I have a home study to do. I have no idea when it will begin, but I guess I will find out when the call comes. In the mean time...I gots a whole lotta work to do here. I have been cleaning things out like a crazy person around here. I can finally see the floor in my closet. I haven't seen it since all our stuff was shipped here and we just shoved stuff in there to get it out of the way. The worst thing is there were only three small boxes of my stuff. All the rest was Princess's and DH's.

I shall pause to insert the following: I think Smokey is going deaf. Either that or he has very selective hearing. Good thing...his nose works way too good, so if I have to get his attention I just grab a piece of food lol.

Back to reality. My house. Filled with crap, and no storage space. We wont mention the fact I suck at organizing. We don't have a garage, and the basement small and  is so damp we have to be careful what we put down there. That means we take over closets. All of them are filled to the ceiling with crap. Plus we have WAY to much furniture that just isn't working in this house. Don't want to get rid of it since most of it is nice and it would work in a larger home, but we have no place to store it. Oh yeah, we're still working on buying a house so we will be moving within the next year. When we go big, we go big around here.

So on top of trying to empty the house, we are also trying to fill it. We need to have physical proof that the kids will have their own beds, dressers...basically stuff. We need a bunk bed, and a twin bed. We need dressers, we need clothes and toys for these kids. I am sure they will be coming with pretty much nothing. Oh did I mention...we are broke right now? Yeah there isn't much money right now. Not sure how that happened, but hopefully DH will be getting a big FAT raise with his promotion that was supposed to start two weeks ago, but has been put off until next Monday. In the mean time I am surfing my free sites and gonna be hitting some garage sales as soon as I get some cash. HOPEFULLY I will be able to find all this stuff ASAP, and get the kids rooms set up. Damn I better pass this fuckin home study, cuz if I don't that will be a butt load of more crap to get rid of. On the positive side of what would be a shitty situation...my house will be empty. Thinking that's not a very good thing to look forward too.

Ok now to jump over here for a moment. When I spoke with the worker, the immediate supervisor, and the regional supervisor they all said that the children had severe, (and yes they all said some form of severe) behavior, social, mental issues. One of them let it slip that the youngest had RAD also known as Reactive Attachment Disorder. This child may or may not have this, I guess I will find out when I pass my home study, and they actually let me see just what the hell is up. What I hate, and I really hate it, is when the people in the medical field give such a broad range of symptoms. It almost seems like they keep coming up with stuff to box in children and people when they don't fit into their "normal" box. Now I read the symptoms of this disorder, and to be honest, I have seen many people and children with the same behaviors. Ugh...my thoughts and feelings on this encompass way more time than I have to write it all down here.

And on that note...I'm gonna sit here and look at my house and try to come up with a game plan. Lord help me.

The Begining and Possibly the End. Part 7

5/21-22/2012

Monday
So after speaking with the mother of the children and hearing her side, and getting to speak to her mother I decided to write a letter pleading my case to someone high up regarding this case. Well at least that was my intentions on Friday. It's Monday now, and as I went to sit down to really write this letter out, my hands got a mind of their own. I found that rather than looking up the information that was needed for this letter, my hands started typing in other stuff. I ended back up at the headquarters for Texas CPS. Now I just wrote them an email about this whole mess on the 14th.  Something keeps drawing me to them as the possible answer in dealing with this county.

So, I made a phone call, and asked what the formal way of going about letting whomever it is about my intentions of adopting these kids. This lady was so sweet. I gave her a very brief run down on what had been going on regarding the worker, and her supervisor. I told her of my fear that I was not being given a fair opportunity on adopting the kids, or that any of my conversations were being documented in the case record. After all for some reason they were not aware of my other relative, even though that relative had been called several times by them. What can they say, "oops! My bad I forgot to document you in the case file." Not going to let that happen. Thank you Ramsey County for giving me ideas in regards to dealing with these people. Guess it just takes one to know one.

So this sweet lady tells me that it sounds like it needs to be investigated and that she will give me a call by the end of the day. She also said that if it turns out something fishy is going on that she will give me the number to file a formal complaint to the State of Texas. She called me later that day to let me know that she was having trouble finding out information, and getting a hold of  people also, and that she was going to keep digging and would call me tomorrow. She gave me her direct line and re-assured me that she was calling me back like she said she would.

Tuesday
The lady from CPS headquarters called me back, but unfortunately I missed her call. I was at one end of the house, phone what on the other end. Missed it by one ring. Dang! She did leave me a message though, and told me that she had finally gotten a hold of the regional director of CPS and that she would be calling me, and if there was any thing else she could help me with to give her a call. The supervisor she was trying to get a hold of turns out to be one of the supervisors that I had called and left a message with, and one of the people who never called me back. This message was late in the day so I didn't think  that she would be calling today, but I am expecting her call tomorrow.

I feel so helpless sitting here having to rely on someone else to make a decision. I am restless, but can't seem to make myself do anything. Tired, but eyes pop wide open bright and early. Good Lord I hope this lady gives me some answers. This time I made sure I wrote down my questions that I want specific answers too. Speaking of wanting specific answers I had better find an app that will record what I'm saying. I don't have something to record the phone conversation, but I sure can and will be irritating by repeating everything she says to me so I can record it.

The Begining and Possibly the End. Part 6

5/18/2012

Well I have let the supervisor and the kids attorney have a whole week to get back to me, and I have heard diddly squat from anyone. I guess Monday shall be another day filled with phone calls to Texas. Good thing I have unlimited calling on my phone, and it's a good thing that I have nothing better to do than make phone calls to whomever I think will give me some information.

Speaking of getting more information, the kids mom finally got a hold of me regarding the kids, and had some extra information for me like names and address's and phone numbers. It only took her ten days, but at least she did get back to me. It sounds like Texas is just weaving a lovely little web of lies. I don't like webs, of any kind...spider, lies, whatever kinds...I tend to destroy them as I go. I really don't know what the out come of all of this will be, but at least I will have gotten under some peoples skin, and called them on their shit.

I also got to speak to the mother-in-law. I haven't really spoken to her other than a greeting at the wedding. Hmm. It was a pleasant conversation. A lot of plans on what she is going to do regarding getting custody of the kids. It's gonna be a long journey I think.

Not sure what I should do regarding the class's. I mean I guess everything has to go through the county, and the classes are through a agency. Should I go to the final class tomorrow or just say piss on it. I would really like to do some neat things with the family tomorrow since it seems to be the day that everyone in the city is doing little special things. On the other hand it would look good if I did go to the class even though it wont count in the end.
Stupid Texas!!! Just fricken send the paperwork here so I can get started on something that counts! I am about to march on down there and start whoopin some butt. Ok not really, but come on you people. You can not just write everyone who is family off cuz you feel like it.

You don't want the parents in contact with the kids...fine. You want them in therapy forever...fine. You want them to have a stable life...we have it. You want the home to have enough money...we got it. You want their foster home to be the one to adopt them...hello here I am! You want them in school...got a very good charter school all lined up. Here let me sniff your butt like a dog, cuz I'm willing to do whatever is in your outline.

Ok, time to write a letter to someone very important regarding the kids. It's quiet, I've ranted a bit, need a snack...then I shall write.

The Begining and Possibly the End. Part 5

5/14/2012
So this weekend me and DH went to the classes for foster/adoption licensing here in Minnesota. Well I should say we went to the first class. It was interesting, but not really helpful. Talk about making the poor kids out there waiting to adopt look horrible. They have problems so what, everyone has problems. These kids just weren't given the skills to learn how to deal with a normal life. Talking about all the kids out there, not just the one's we are looking to adopt.

Speaking of kids...I finally heard back from their workers supervisor, but the steps involved to get to that were just crazy. I called her for about a week 2-3 times a day. I then called her supervisor I believe three times ( have it written down here somewhere) she never called me back. Today I called and left a message with supervisor next in line. I then went on the adoption site for the state of Texas. I located an email address and since I had no idea which region I needed so I just emailed the main peoples. I spewed my problem and issue out and left it at that. I forgot to check my emails later in the day, and when I got to Princess's school to pick her up my phone rings. Guess who it is? It was the immediate supervisor to the worker calling me back finally. Guess what else??? I got home and checked my emails and there was a reply to my email at 3:25, the supervisor called me at 4:32. Hmmm.

So anyhow me and the supervisor talked for about an hour, her getting to know me and find out what I knew of the situations that landed the kids there. I told her all I knew. I told her about my family, and why we were doing this. I told her that this is what family is supposed to do. Rally around and take care of family so that we can keep the traditions strong, and I will have answers for the children when they start asking who their peoples are. She explained that the state had entered into an agreement with the parents regarding their placement and what not. She told me that these would be special needs children who would need long term therapy. I told her that I would have been surprised if the children didn't need help with behaviors and learning how to deal with things. It is the parents who stated that these children would be getting adopted by their foster family. I'm not sure what the goal was in this, but I made it very clear that I would do whatever I needed to do in order to keep in accordance with the agreement they had established. I would be their adopting foster parent.

She sounded pleasantly surprised by some of my answers, and she seemed to perk up with each one. She did make it very clear that they might not be able to let me foster/adopt the kids due to the agreement, but she would bring everything I told her to the children's lawyer and Guardian Ad Litem and get back to me as soon as she got an answer. At least this time I wasn't told no flat out, and things were explained to me. I have the feeling that I can trust what this girl says. Now it's just the waiting game again. I'm not sure what I will do if the children's lawyers come back and say no. At this point, do I just give up and let my family disappear, or do I continue to fight for them?  I hate having so many variables and unknowns flying around me. It makes me uncomfortable to put it mildly. Time to sleep on it and pray to the Good Lord.

The Begining and Possibly the End. Part 4

5/11/12

For the last couple of days, there hasn't been anything for me to do other than keep calling the supervisor. Each time I was met with her recording. Each time I left a message, each time she didn't return my call. Today I will be calling her supervisor, and if I don't hear from her come Monday afternoon, I will be calling her supervisor.

I feel like they are stone-walling me. I feel like, they think that if they don't return my phone calls they can continue on with their plans. Only when they reach their goal will they "conveniently call me back. I don't know why this worker doesn't want me to adopt these kids. She says they are up for adoption, but yet when I look on the states site for adoptable kids...they aren't there. So what the hell is going on? Are they not available yet? Do they already have someone in mind and just are forgoing the posting part? I looked at the siblings together section and there are like 70 sets of siblings waiting for adoption. Is she separating them, even though she told me there weren't? Doesn't matter, they aren't in there whether they are listed as single, or as siblings.

I'm getting tired of waiting. I'm not a patient person, waiting to take these classes, waiting for someone to call me back, waiting, waiting, waiting. I do not like being the one that is not in control. LOL, and here I'm trying to do the thing that has almost drove people over the edge with the not knowing. I guess this will be a test of my being. No matter how this turns out, I guess I will have learned something.

I don't get why they can't start the Home Study while we are going to the classes. If it is everyone's goal to get children placed in a stable home, why not do things a bit more streamlined? I know, I know, silly girl, this is the government I'm talking about. Nuff said. I also get that I'm sure if they just expedited every child they wouldn't be as certain on the adoptive parents. Then again maybe the whole thing behind the workers attitude is to see if I really am for real. What better way to get rid of the riff raff than to shoot them right out of the gate. Mom and dad didn't seem to want to go all the way with the requirements, maybe I wont either.

The one thing I don't understand is on top of telling me no, no, no. She did say, "well go ahead and get your foster license, if you want. What you do, is what you do." Not sure how to take this.  This whole fight for these kids started with her telling me that my state takes too long to get licensed, and I told her it didn't. This is the point that I started to hear the no, no, no's.

Ugh! So one phone call into the supervisor of the supervisor. Will call later this afternoon, to give her a  chance to call me back...and now I wait...some more.

Yesterday I told DH that I'm going to need his help in getting the house ready for our home study. I mean we have to do this anyhow, but now that there has been a time limit on it sort of, I'm going to need help. He says to me, that he will help me, but I need to do some stuff for him. WOW really? I'm already doing everything. The only thing he needs to do is show up for the classes on the next two Saturdays. One of the things that needs to be done around here is to clean out the clutter. I have for the most part cleared out anything that I didn't want, it's his turn now. So he says yea I'll do it, but each day you bring me a box to go through and before I play my game, get on the computer, or watch tv when I get home from work and I'll go through it all and consolidate. Then you can  find out what they are looking for in the perfect house, and start looking for the info on buying a house, and find us a house......How about you not stay the fuck up until 6am so you can get your ass up and help me with this stuff, rather than throw it all on my head. Seriously dude, this is the last straw. Damn I suppose I shouldn't put stuff like that in here considering what's going on, but hell I'm not perfect, and that just fricken pissed me off.

So off I go to go find funding, and find a house and find out what it is that they are looking for exactly in a adoptive family and home.  Oh and deal with the people from down south, and wash laundry, and clean, organized and declutter a house all by myself. ...then we hit the time when the kids come home. What does he get to do? Go to work, run around dealing with idiots for only 8 hrs, have a social life even if it is only at work for 8 hours, come home, play games, sit on computer, eat, watch tv, go to sleep. Wake up an hour maybe two hours before he has to go to work....kiss my ass.

The Begining and Possibly the End. Part 3

5/8/12
I woke up today with a purpose. That purpose was to go kick some other states butt regarding getting custody of my cousins. My plans changed. I spent the entire morning talking with one of my favoritest relatives, who happens to be the brother to the relative who lost custody. Ya know to make it easier...relative who lost custody shall be further known as Pat. That's a whole lot easier to write. I call...let's see we shall give the name Jess to the brother. Jess and I haven't talked in about eight years due to long distance and all that stupid stuff that shouldn't keep family apart. We more than made up for it today. It was great, and totally cool that we picked right back up where we left off. I have to say the conversation with Jess was not all smiles and laughs though. Unfortunately the reason I called was to see if Jess was aware that the kids had been taken, and to see if Jess would have my back as I go off to fight the big bad wolf. A lot of the conversation was spent talking about the kids, and what transpired yesterday with my phone conversation with the worker. Some of it was spent talking about the strange coincidence of us both getting a rescue dog with only three legs. Our conversation was all over the map, and it felt so good.

I finally got off the phone and then ended up right back on the phone with my BFF. It was while talking to her that DH walked in to me explaining what was going on with "the case".
So now I'm talking to two of them explaining all that has transpired. DH jumps up and says, "fuck that! Were getting a lawyer and suing the shit outta that fuckin state!" And there you go folks. My Crazy Life is about to go straight through hell and back. Good thing I'm already crazy, because I don't think a sane person would come through this in one piece.

My first step once I finally got off the phone was to get back on the phone with the lovely worker from down there. It was not my first choice, I really did try to find who her supervisor was, but I had to call her to get the information so I can get things moving. Don't get me wrong here, this girl, and I do say girl because she sounds all of about twenty-three, actually seems like a nice person. However since she has now made me have to walk through hell and back...I don't like her. I got the information from her, and she was even nice enough to let me know that her super was in court until late afternoon. Why thank you ma'am and have a nice day. Called the super and left a message for her to call me back. Keeping fingers crossed that she does call me back. Then again maybe if she doesn't I can then have the excuse to call my worker back and have her send some fire on down there.

I left it at that and went about the rest of my day.

The Begining and Possibly the End. Part 2

5/7/12 continued
So now rather than fostering these children, I'm now going to be adopting these three children. Gosh did I mention that the ages were 8, 5, and 3? Well there they are again if I already did. This worker, and I am giving her the benefit of doubt here, does have the children's welfare in mind, except for the fact that I AM NOT THE ENEMY HERE, AND YOU NEED TO STOP TREATING ME AS SUCH!!!!! Now I understand the people you have had to deal with in regards to these children, but please listen...I am not them, or of the same breed. Sorry my relative, love ya but you know it's true, and no I'm not a snob or anything people. Some things you just have to see to understand. 

So after going round and round with this lady for about two hours, I finally asked her point blank, "are you telling me that I can't adopt my own relative? Are you telling me that because I didn't come forward a month ago to get custody that I now, even though I'm their relative and just found out about this...am screwed?" Her answer was, "yes that's what I'm telling you". OOOOOO-EEEEE!  DH get ready for the ride, this broad pissed me off by lying to me and now she's telling me no. It's on baby, here I come. I might not have money, and I know this is gonna cost me, but I don't care. You do not tell me no in regards to my family. Ok seriously DH has no idea what's gone on other than the comment I made in reference to southern states being difficult in regards to this when he woke up today.

I got off the phone with her after she told me that she would have her supervisor contact me. I'm thinking she just said that to get me to stop bugging her. I immediately began looking up numbers here in my state and county. I honestly don't even remember who all I called except for two people. One was a worker from my county from the adoption department. God bless her soul. When she answered the phone she sounded like another over worked state employee. Tired and worn out. By the time I got a quarter of the way through with the story of my conversation with the other worker, she was much more alive. Ok, understatement there very alive she became. My first actual question for her was on one of my states laws regarding getting licensed for foster care if you are a relative since the other workers main concern was getting these kids in a stable adoptive home. The law goes like this, paraphrasing here...in certain circumstances a relative may take custody of a relatives child without getting licensed but must have a home visit and pass a background check. Upon getting the child the relative must work on obtaining their license. The worker here confirmed that that was true and that I read the law correct, and that the worker from down south was wrong. SCORE ONE FOR ME!!!! My worker (I'm just gonna call her that for now to keep things less confusing) told me to contact the other workers supervisor and give them her name and number and inform them that I am in the process of a home study. And that worker was concerned that my state takes too long. Paaaleeze. My worker referred me to another program that also provides the classes I need to become...You know? I have no idea why I have to take the classes or what they are about. Doesn't matter though...state says I have to do it so do it I will. The other person I spoke with was someone who provides support for grandparents and other relatives in gaining custody. She sent me a ton of information that I have yet to scratch the surface in reading. Ladies, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

I called some attorneys from the other state  to get a better understanding of the laws in that state. Yeah, I have yet to hear back from them. I then did some research on the Inter State Compact for the Placement of Children to find out just what was coming and to make sure I was aware of what they also required. It seemed pretty cut an dry. I don't know why everyone makes such a big deal out of it. I guess it all depends on how fast the states respond.  After dealing with the out of state worker I have had just about enough for the day, and it's time for some quiet. I'll pick up my sword again tomorrow.

Henry's Friend

Well it seems as if Pig Pen the duck is here to stay. Yes we named him Pig Pen as he loves the mud and is never completely white. I still haven't been able to get him to go into the pool. Don't figure.

Anyhow, he's lonely I guess, or he just likes dogs. Henry in particular. Henry likes him too, but I'm pretty sure Henry has other ideas than just playing like old friends. 

It never fails that when I let Henry out to do his business Pig Pen will come running, ok maybe waddling really fast up the yard to see Henry. He knows just how far the leash will go, and he will then just sit there and look at Henry. 

Pig Pen likes to mess with all the dogs, but especially Henry. Pig Pen will wait until the dogs turn around and start walking away, and then he will follow them. I think he has a death wish or something, maybe he likes to mess with me too and give me a heart attack. Anyhow once the dog gets so far, he will let out a quack and wait for the dog to turn around...and then run just past where the leash will end. I think he finds it comical to watch the dogs get whiplash. 

 Pig Pen and Henry

The other night, after I locked Pig Pen up for the night in the garden I grabbed the walking leash and hooked Henry up and walked him to the garden. He was so intent on smelling the duck smell on the ground that he didn't even realize that there was a duck standing right in front of him, separated only by some chicken wire, that is until Pig Pen charged the fence. Henry finally focused on the duck, and the two of them just stared at each other. It was intense I tell you. Neither of them moved a muscle for about two minutes. Then Henry couldn't contain himself any longer. The sound he let out resembled something between a yip and a bark. Guess it doesn't matter what the sound was, the effect had me almost on the ground rolling.  As soon as the sound left Henry, poor Pig Pen, who was in the zone and focusing on Henry almost did a back flip he was startled so badly.

Things here might settle down just a bit, but there is always little things like this that keep us off balance just enough to keep us on our feet.

Duck, Duck, Duck, There's a Duck!

So if you have been following me on Facebook or read my blog, you should know that a duck thought we would make a good family to adopt. Then again, I think it was more like, the fact that it liked the yard. 

We haven't come up with a name for this duck really. I call it Duck, Princess calls it Herbert or something like that, and Jokester calls it Quakers. I know, how original right? Superman just calls it Duck too.

Anyhow, now I have a duck that I have no idea what to do with. Not even sure if it's a boy or girl. I thought I saw a curly tail feather, but now I don't. What I do know is that it's a younger duck, I guess maybe close to a teenager type age. It acts like one that's for sure! You see it likes to tease the dogs. It knows just how long the leash is and will come waddling up just out of reach and sit there and stare the dogs down. When they get bored with trying to get the duck and turn around and walk away...it will start to follow them. They of course figure out that it's following them and will turn around and the game starts all over again. Silly duck, it needs a friend that wont eat it. 

Another thing with this with this duck is that it doesn't seem to like to swim. I got it a pool and filled it up and...nothing. It's a really big water dish. However Duck does LOVE mud. My white Pekin is black. Every chance it gets it's digging in the mud. Occasionally it will let me spray it down with the hose, but that doesn't really help. This duck needs a bath, and if I could catch it...it would get one.

Speaking of catching it, Superman managed to get it cornered in the garden. He was hunkered down like the catcher for baseball. He opened his arms wide like he was going to hug the duck, and Duck ran right into him, and knocked Superman down and waddled right over him. It was hilarious to watch, and I wish I would have gotten it on video. 

Yeah, so now I have myself a sassy duck, and sassy it is. There are days when it will listen to me and follow me, then there are days when it just wants to play tag. Back talking all the way. What I'm going to do with it, I have no idea, but I swear I will get it in the pool...eventually.      

Filled to the Brim

Wow! Let me say that again...Wow! This month has been just crazy here at the house. We have our granddaughter and her mommy visiting us for 20 days. It's been so much fun to snuggle and spoil that little girl. The family is trying its hardest to convince mom to move here, and I guess we will see in time if she likes us all enough. 

We are still in a holding pattern for the kiddies that we are trying to adopt. Waiting for the slow hands of government to move along, but that's ok because it is giving us time to get little odds and ends all ready for them. I managed to get them registered in the same school, and totally bi-passed the waiting list. Now that will be so nice having all six kids in the same school. 

Today we were adopted by another pet. It seems a Pekin duck wandered into our yard and decided it was a good place to call home. So I am scrambling to figure out just what a duck might need to make it a happy duck. So very out of my realm, I know nothing about ducks other than they quack. Yeppers, they quack. I just read how to figure out the sex, so tomorrow when it's light out I shall check out those tail feathers. Knowing me I will probably sex it wrong, cuz that's just my way. I guess I will be hunting around to find some free stuff to make a shelter for it. 

We spent a good chunk of the day trying to get the duck into my fenced in garden where it would be safer, but every time we got it close, it took off the other way. So we just left it alone, and when I got home from the store, I spotted it in the garden. Guess it's not so stupid, just stubborn. Now I hope it doesn't eat my garden all up. Well at least the watermelon, it can eat the rest of the garden if it wants to. Ya'll know what's going to happen now don't you? The little bugger is gonna just eat the watermelon and leave everything else.

A couple of funny things about the duck...One, it likes Princess. A lot. She was walking back to the house and it followed her. Three times this happened. Two, it seems to like Babygirl. Every time I have put BG out it has slowly waddled up the yard. It managed to get about 5 ft. away from BG, and then it saw me come out the door. Kinda a good thing, because BG was just lying there waiting for it to get close enough to get. She didn't budge an inch, during the whole time. I think BG likes the duck too...just on a different level. One I don't plan on seeing.

So things have been a bit crazy here. Gearing up for school which starts in a week...YEAH (big time happy dance from me)! Being claimed by a duck, and visiting peoples. Never a dull moment here, no sir, no ma'am. 

               Ducky

Meniere's and Where Did My Salt Go?

So back in April I was diagnosed with Meniere's Disease. Just freakin peachy. Well I guess I shouldn't say that I was diagnosed with it because this is the words out of the doctors mouth. "I don't want to put you in a box you don't need to be in, so because you don't have hearing loss, I'm going to say that you "might" have Meniere's." With that he recommended I go on a low sodium diet and sent me off to a Vestibular Therapist (funny how when I was going I could never remember the name of the therapy and now, not only can I remember it but I spelled it right the first time.)to learn how to walk with the vertigo, dizziness that hits me at times. Well I didn't really need to go there, because this had been going on for over a year, and I kinda figured it out as I stumbled about. Sort of. He referred me to have a CAT scan of my sinuses to make sure there wasn't anything funny going on there. He ended the appointment with a goodbye and good luck.

There wasn't a follow-up appointment with him, although when I had the CAT scan done they did say I had beautiful sinuses. Which considering all the sinus infections I get, kinda surprised me. So here I was left to go to therapy and reduce the amount of sodium I ate. 

At first my therapist thought my problems were because of my seizure meds, because if you take Dilantin at high levels for several years you run the risk of Neuropathy. She noticed that after I had seen her for a couple of weeks my balance seemed a bit better. The only thing different was I was I had cut my sodium intake by 75% and stopped drinking my pop. In the end she even admitted that I probably had Meniere's since reducing my sodium intake seemed to help. 

So now where does that leave me? Well, I guess no where. I was doing well on the diet, and even began to think I really didn't have anything wrong with me. Until this week that is, when out of no where I got laid out for a week. The vertigo, and dizziness was crazy, and brain fog, and the need to sleep were intense. A couple of times I thought my stomach was going to revolt, but I just went to bed. The constant feeling of the need to "pop" my ears drove me nuts. 

I have no idea what brought this episode upon me, but holy hannah it sucked. Walking down the hallway was interesting as I bounced off one wall only to bounce off the other wall. I have bruises that I don't remember getting. I can only assume they came from me smacking into something. During this week I vaguely remember the doctor saying that he would give me a letter stating I had Meniere's so that if I needed it I could prove that I am in fact not drunk. Must remember to get that. 

It kinda sucks that my bubble was popped on me, and I have come to the realization that I do in fact have a balance problem. There isn't a cure for it, and eventually I will loose my hearing. The fortunate thing I guess for me is that so far there is no damage to my ears and my hearing is perfect even though I have to constantly ask people to repeat what they say. Not sure how that works. There are many things for me to try, and hopefully put it in remission, but there isn't any one perfect thing. Every person with Meniere's has it to different degrees, and what works for one person will probably not work for another.


So off to re-evaluate my diet, which while I was following the low sodium part, I was not following the carb, protein, calorie part of it. For some reason even though I'm on a low sodium diet, I have swelled up, and gained weight. My left leg and ankle get much more swollen than my right, and I find walking to be difficult. It never seems to end with me. So back to the super strict diet which I hate. I like variety and eating green leafy things all the time is not called variety in my book.

Thinking, and Poof!

So today is Superman's Birthday! I am having a hard time taking it in that it's been five years since I gave birth to him. According to him, now that he is five, he is all grown up and knows everything. I am very happy that isn't the way things work for us humans, I would miss my kids too much. Then again there are days...ya know what I mean right?


We are still hanging in limbo as to news from down south. I seriously have a problem with hanging in limbo. I'm a let's do this thing kinda person, so I find the waiting to be a killer.


The last week or so we have been in a heat wave that broke records. Even with the air on, it still was...yuck. We finally got rain Friday, and I almost went out and did me a little jig. Before we got the rain I told DH he should be doing a rain dance, he just gave me a look and ignored me. Here I was having faith in his ability's and he hasta be like that. Poo on him. 


The kids are enjoying being outside again, well at least Superman is. He's loving his pool he got as an early Birthday present, jokester however only wants to be indoors playing games. Not gonna happen there young fella. I have been giving him a boot in the butt out the door every 30 minutes. This kid is gonna kill me. 


The house is almost back together after having to re-arrange everything except the kitchen. We finally have enough beds for the additions we hope to get. We are going to be packed in like sardines here, but we'll work it, and it's only going to be for awhile. That is until we find a much bigger home that is. 


DH really wants to try a juicing diet. I'm not really on board with it. I like to chew my food, but I have to admit that the thought of the weight loss is appealing. If we do this it means my food budget will be really tight. It is amazingly expensive to only eat fresh fruit and veggies, and my poor garden isn't big enough for something like this. Plus,there is no way in hell the kids would be on board with this. So that means I will be making "six" meals a day. I have enough problems getting the three we do eat on the plate some days. 


So I guess all in all, life is moving along. Some parts are going faster than I would like, while others are barely moving at all. I guess I must just figure out where to place myself so that it all balances out. 

I'm Slacking...I'm Sorry

     So here I am. I have really been slacking with the blog, and I am sorry. It's summer time and I get busy, and well...this gets put to the back burner. But I'm here to saaayyy-----HI!

     So as you know I've been working on adding some more family members. Truth is this is kinda why I haven't been writing. I seem to have lost my funny during all this fighting. I've been feeling a bit down. 

     Really what I've been feeling is anxious. I really don't have the patience to wait on people who have control over my possible future. I want answers now! I guess I would even settle for updates, or a little piece of paperwork. Anything would do at this time. It would help alleviate the feeling of being screwed over that I keep getting regarding the sending state. 

     Years ago I asked God for patience. Now he has a funny sense of humor, He really does. You see, He provided me a certain job that required a TON of patience. Now here I was thinking we could ya know do a course on patience or something. Ya know kinda ease into it. Stick a toe in to feel the temperature of the water, just in case I didn't like what I was about to get involved in. Hum, funny. He had other ideas. The job he gave me was a school bus driver. Joke was on me. 

     Talk about a job that required a lot of patience! Not only did I have to deal with traffic and the people out there who really shouldn't have been given a license, but I had to deal with 120 screaming, talking, booger flinging, airplane sailing, bouncing kids a day. Patience. I earned it then, and I find I need some extra dosages of it now. I will not however be asking God to teach me it again. I fear what He might have in store for me this time. 

Low sodium, and Additions

Wow, so I have been on this reduced sodium diet for about two months now. I really, really hate it. Just for the fact I have been making EVERYTHING from scratch. I'm getting very tired of trying to find recipes with low sodium, and then reducing the sodium even further. 

What really sucks is that DH and I used to go out to eat on the weekends as our little thing to do, but now we can't since I can't eat at any restaurants. Well, let me correct that. I can eat anywhere, but for the most part all I can have is a salad...oooo how boring. 

I always got in cooking slumps before, but now with my limits...there are days where it's just too much effort to even think about finding something I can eat. I have been making meals that I can't eat, just to get the family fed. I usually end up having a piece of fruit. Even if I do manage to find and make something I can eat, the portion size is so small that I never am filled up. 

The good thing about all this...I'm not as dizzy as I have been in the past. I can really tell when I have eaten too much salt. The other good thing is that I'm loosing weight...finally. The first month I lost 5 lbs. I have no idea how much I have lost now, as we don't have a scale and I haven't had to go to the doctors. I can see it in my face, unfortunately it is all sliding down to my hips and butt. So I guess this reduced sodium diet is a good thing. I'm loosing weight and feeling great. Bwahaha, sorry couldn't resist. 

Other things on the plate here at the crazy house. We are finally moving forwards with the adoption. Although it's at barely a crawl. I'm doing a HUGE blog about this as things either don't move anywhere, or crawl forwards at an agonizingly slower than slow turtle pace. I guess it ok that it's moving slow since we are not set up or ready for the kids yet. 

Part of getting ready has been to go through everything and start getting rid of the crap that has followed us around for 8 years. We are emptying the house only to fill it again, but of course in a good way. We get to re-arrange the house again to accommodate the new family members. Also on our plate is looking for a much bigger house.  

Now since we have been going through stuff, I have to wonder, where the heck all this came from. I guess for us (DH) it's mostly papers that have to be filed or something. Boxes and boxes of papers. For me, I'm really at a cross roads as to what to do with my sewing stuff. This house has been too small for me to set it up anywhere, and for sure there wont be room now. So I must either get rid of it all which would make me a very sad momma, or find somewhere to store it as we have no garage, and our basement is too wet.  

So as you can see I have been busy, busy, busy, and I don't think it has set in to DH's head what we really need to do for this. I laid it all out for him last night, and he was like. "Wow, alrighty, gottcha, yep, ok." Not sure if this meant he got the idea and is really gonna move on all this, or if he was just saying this to shut my panicking ass up. Because yes, right about now I'm starting to panic. We have no idea when anything will happen on our end, so we are working with a deadline that is sometime in the future. I should say in all fairness that DH has been doing a wonderful job of helping me with the sorting and tossing. I finally got him to go through stuff, it only took 8 years. 

So yeah, I am trying to keep focused and not become to overwhelmed with the enormous task before me. I make sure I have my little moments set aside for me to freak out. I just keep chugging along, tossing and sorting. Now I have to scrub, scrub, scrub. The house was never deep cleaned or painted before we moved in. I did just a quick clean, as things moved kinda fast when we moved here, so now I must go back and scrub all the spots I missed and scrub the spots that have since gotten dirty. I think I need an organizer to attack my house, but I don't have the money to hire someone. So I guess I will stumble along. 

And that folks is whats been happening here at The Crazy Life: Ramblings of a mom. Things were just getting too quiet, so we thought we would shake it up a bit...ok maybe a lot.

When Mental Disorders Come Knocking

My family has a lot of mental issues, well I guess I should say my mom's side has the issues. Awhile back my therapist asked me why I kept finding myself surrounded by people who have mental issues. My answer was, " because it's all I know I guess?" I've been around it my whole life that it just seems part of me. She suggested I find "normal" people to hang out with. 

Well in theory that would be just fab, but here in my real world it's here to stay. I have an Aunt. I love this Aunt, but this Aunt suffers from Schizophrenia. I don't mean to make it seem like this is the plague or something, it's just what she was diagnosed with years ago. 

Now this Aunt for some reason seems to think that I am her best friend. Which I guess is ok, except when she has her episodes. Her constant calling is enough to drive the most calm, cool person crazy. 

Her latest thing is that someone keeps stealing her apartment keys and coming in there and staying there while she is in the hospital or something. They have also taken her car keys and they just sit out in her car. Now I fully believe that at one point in her life, that someone could have possibly squatted in her place while she was in the hospital. She hasn't always kept the best of company, although she is getting better at choosing who she associates with.  So this fear is probably based on past events.

The subject before this was the cat I gave her years ago. Miss Priss. Yes that is what I named the cat, as she was the most prissy thing I had ever seen. Anyhow, she got rid of the cat many years ago, but she was insisting that she had seen her. Maybe, maybe not, probably not. She also seemed to have forgotten that I was the one who gave her the cat, but insisted that the cat was being chased by an evil mean man and she was so matted and starving. 

It is very hard to get voicemails and phone calls from her when she is in this place. I know that her thinking is a bit off, well maybe very off, but I just want to scream at her and tell her the actual events. I know deep down it wont help, but damn it! And currently I am on the phone with her as she sits in the hospital. The cycle never ends. 

Catching Up

Well I suppose I should be writing more blogs lately but things have gotten a bit more crazy around here. With all the calls to Texas regarding the kids I'm trying to adopt. I find this very hard to deal with since I seem to lack patience. I want call backs right now, I want answers right now, I really don't like being jerked around, but here I am.

So on the home front here, the kids are getting restless as there are only about 2.5 weeks of school left. However there wont really be much of a break since Princess goes to college for two weeks, and Jokester goes to Reading and Writing summer camp. My running around will actually get a bit worse as I have to bring Princess to her classes and pick her up. 

Superman is in a opposites mood, I guess I can't really call it that because it's not really opposites. He just makes things up for what he wants them to be. The other day he said he hated someone, and I told him that it isn't nice to say that about someone. He tells me, " oh when I say that I really mean that I like them a lot." Here's another one, " when I say stop it means I like BG." I'm not sure where he is getting this from, but at first it was kinda cute, but now he seems to think he can apply it in all situations and make his own reality, and it's becoming irritating now. 

Henry did something the other day that just blew my mind...he came upstairs with the boys and I when it was time for bed. He walked around, turned and looked at me and popped a squat and peed. The little bastard peed in my house! He hasn't done that since he was 2 months old!
Then to make matters worse, DH notices a wet spot on the floor and finds out it was BG. The only dog who was behaving himself was Smokey and he's usually the one peeing all over. My house is revolting against me or something. Ha! They have a lesson to learn, and that is...I shall not let them win! It is war! Bring on the water balloons household get your squirt guns cuz here we go!

No seriously we probably will have ourselves a water war here soon, but in the mean time...the things that stray from the norm of our family life with continue to shock me, make me just stop and bust out laughing, make me cry, or just plain stump me. I wouldn't trade it for the world either.
Well maybe the dog pee would be a good thing to go, but you get my drift. This is who we are, we learn new things each day, face new trials, and over come hurdles, but through it all we are still here and not somewhere else. 

Speaking of trying days...tomorrow the entire street can not use their drains. Why? They are repairing the sewer line and plugging everyone's drains to the sewer. Use the drains and there just might be sewer backing up into the house. That would not be fun, nor would I be happy, and it would be about the same time as the lady from CPS in Texas called me.

Wish me luck getting through 12 hours of that, thankfully most of the family will be at school/work for the duration. Now I just have to figure out where to do my business all day. Yes, yes I went there. Everyone has to do it, there is no denying it.

Again, and Again, and Now I'm Rambling

Last night I found out that my friend had decided to take a butt load of pills to be followed with many chasers of Vodka. I currently do not know how my friend is doing since I am unable to reach anyone at the house. In fact...there are a lot of people wondering what the hell is going on.

First I would like to explain something so that you might understand where I come from regarding this. Here's the deal...I do not cope with suicide or thoughts of suicide, or suicide attempts. It's not that I don't want to, but given my history (<--click here for the story.)...yeah, anything suicide related causes a chemical reaction in me that isn't pretty. So I tend to come across as a cold bitch. 


Next I have to address the alcohol chasers. So yeah I'm a former alcoholic. I've been sober for 18 years. I don't have much patience for alcoholics either. Been there, done that. If you didn't click on the link above, here's a brief telling. I met guy, guy was great, guy was a closet alcoholic, guy hated himself, guy put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger, I found guy Easter morning. I really do recommend you click on the link though and read the full story. 


So here I am today with a big ole pile of WHAT THE FUCK in my lap to deal with again. I don't want to deal with the emotions, I want to go and bitch slap the shit out of my friend. However I have a feeling that this probably will only make me feel better and wont make things better for my friend. Guess I should strike that from the things to do today.


Anyhow I have to figure out how to deal with this so that I can be a good friend to someone in need. I am having a very hard time doing this because of my out take on it. Now don't get me wrong here. I get that people get depressed and fall into a pit of despair...I have been there, I do suffer from depression. What I have an issue with is the fact that people can't get themselves out of that pit. Most times when someone has this problem they go to the doctor and get some happy pills. I do the same thing. I occasionally get to the point where I can't even stand to be in the same room with myself so off I go to make an appointment. Wow I seem to be having a very hard time articulating this with you. So I'm just gonna say this way, and if I offend someone, well so be it... God damn it, life sucks for everyone. The majority of the population keeps on going. Why? Because that is what we do as humans. Fall down, get up, brush ourselves off, and start marching again. There isn't anything out there that is so bad we need to kill ourselves. Perspective is needed. So say a mother looses her child to cancer, and feels like she can't go on. I get that, but there is so much more you can do for your child than permanently curl up in a ball and wither away, or more bluntly put...off yourself. Become a warrior against cancer, become a mentor, or support for another family...
 

For some reason though society seems to have forgotten that lesson, and now it is ok to sit there and expect others to stop what they are doing and to feel sorry for us, even complete strangers. It has become the norm in society to sit there and use past transgression upon us as an excuse for our behaviors today. Ya know there is some truth in that, but if it was the case straight through and through, the little child who was beaten, raped, mistreated, and all sorts of other horrors wouldn't ever become anything other than a product of their environment, and I know for a fact there are many of those kids out there stomping the hell out of their past and blowing by us "normal" people.  We are a super sized generation, and in that super sizedness...our emotions are super sized too. It's time we reign it back in to what is supposed to be normal, and get a correct perspective on life.

There are people who's life sucks worse than mine and yours and yet they sit there and smile and are thankful for the life they do have. What right do I have to sit there and wallow in my self-pity when they are still able to smile? Can I cry about my situation? Hell yeah, but the point is to cry, learn, move on. I come up against a tough time in life and I'm not sure how the hell I'm gonna get through it, I have to make a conscious decision to look back on my life and find all the other times where I came up against a tough time, and realize even though at the time of these "catastrophes" I thought it was the end of the world...I got through it. If I got through that, and at the time it was the worst thing in the world that could ever, ever happen, or so I thought at the time...I can get through this worst thing in the whole wide world that is happening right now. 


And now I'm rambling, and I still got nothing on how I need to deal with my friend, or rather how I need to deal with me, about my friend. It's all about the perspective I guess. Lesson learned.


I realize that there are parts where I don't really address somethings, and I went back to do that, but it ended up covering much more that what the simple reason for this post was, and becoming extra super long...if you need clarification, or would like to continue on a point I made feel free to comment.