Henry's Friend

Well it seems as if Pig Pen the duck is here to stay. Yes we named him Pig Pen as he loves the mud and is never completely white. I still haven't been able to get him to go into the pool. Don't figure.

Anyhow, he's lonely I guess, or he just likes dogs. Henry in particular. Henry likes him too, but I'm pretty sure Henry has other ideas than just playing like old friends. 

It never fails that when I let Henry out to do his business Pig Pen will come running, ok maybe waddling really fast up the yard to see Henry. He knows just how far the leash will go, and he will then just sit there and look at Henry. 

Pig Pen likes to mess with all the dogs, but especially Henry. Pig Pen will wait until the dogs turn around and start walking away, and then he will follow them. I think he has a death wish or something, maybe he likes to mess with me too and give me a heart attack. Anyhow once the dog gets so far, he will let out a quack and wait for the dog to turn around...and then run just past where the leash will end. I think he finds it comical to watch the dogs get whiplash. 

 Pig Pen and Henry

The other night, after I locked Pig Pen up for the night in the garden I grabbed the walking leash and hooked Henry up and walked him to the garden. He was so intent on smelling the duck smell on the ground that he didn't even realize that there was a duck standing right in front of him, separated only by some chicken wire, that is until Pig Pen charged the fence. Henry finally focused on the duck, and the two of them just stared at each other. It was intense I tell you. Neither of them moved a muscle for about two minutes. Then Henry couldn't contain himself any longer. The sound he let out resembled something between a yip and a bark. Guess it doesn't matter what the sound was, the effect had me almost on the ground rolling.  As soon as the sound left Henry, poor Pig Pen, who was in the zone and focusing on Henry almost did a back flip he was startled so badly.

Things here might settle down just a bit, but there is always little things like this that keep us off balance just enough to keep us on our feet.

Thinking, and Poof!

So today is Superman's Birthday! I am having a hard time taking it in that it's been five years since I gave birth to him. According to him, now that he is five, he is all grown up and knows everything. I am very happy that isn't the way things work for us humans, I would miss my kids too much. Then again there are days...ya know what I mean right?


We are still hanging in limbo as to news from down south. I seriously have a problem with hanging in limbo. I'm a let's do this thing kinda person, so I find the waiting to be a killer.


The last week or so we have been in a heat wave that broke records. Even with the air on, it still was...yuck. We finally got rain Friday, and I almost went out and did me a little jig. Before we got the rain I told DH he should be doing a rain dance, he just gave me a look and ignored me. Here I was having faith in his ability's and he hasta be like that. Poo on him. 


The kids are enjoying being outside again, well at least Superman is. He's loving his pool he got as an early Birthday present, jokester however only wants to be indoors playing games. Not gonna happen there young fella. I have been giving him a boot in the butt out the door every 30 minutes. This kid is gonna kill me. 


The house is almost back together after having to re-arrange everything except the kitchen. We finally have enough beds for the additions we hope to get. We are going to be packed in like sardines here, but we'll work it, and it's only going to be for awhile. That is until we find a much bigger home that is. 


DH really wants to try a juicing diet. I'm not really on board with it. I like to chew my food, but I have to admit that the thought of the weight loss is appealing. If we do this it means my food budget will be really tight. It is amazingly expensive to only eat fresh fruit and veggies, and my poor garden isn't big enough for something like this. Plus,there is no way in hell the kids would be on board with this. So that means I will be making "six" meals a day. I have enough problems getting the three we do eat on the plate some days. 


So I guess all in all, life is moving along. Some parts are going faster than I would like, while others are barely moving at all. I guess I must just figure out where to place myself so that it all balances out. 

Again, and Again, and Now I'm Rambling

Last night I found out that my friend had decided to take a butt load of pills to be followed with many chasers of Vodka. I currently do not know how my friend is doing since I am unable to reach anyone at the house. In fact...there are a lot of people wondering what the hell is going on.

First I would like to explain something so that you might understand where I come from regarding this. Here's the deal...I do not cope with suicide or thoughts of suicide, or suicide attempts. It's not that I don't want to, but given my history (<--click here for the story.)...yeah, anything suicide related causes a chemical reaction in me that isn't pretty. So I tend to come across as a cold bitch. 


Next I have to address the alcohol chasers. So yeah I'm a former alcoholic. I've been sober for 18 years. I don't have much patience for alcoholics either. Been there, done that. If you didn't click on the link above, here's a brief telling. I met guy, guy was great, guy was a closet alcoholic, guy hated himself, guy put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger, I found guy Easter morning. I really do recommend you click on the link though and read the full story. 


So here I am today with a big ole pile of WHAT THE FUCK in my lap to deal with again. I don't want to deal with the emotions, I want to go and bitch slap the shit out of my friend. However I have a feeling that this probably will only make me feel better and wont make things better for my friend. Guess I should strike that from the things to do today.


Anyhow I have to figure out how to deal with this so that I can be a good friend to someone in need. I am having a very hard time doing this because of my out take on it. Now don't get me wrong here. I get that people get depressed and fall into a pit of despair...I have been there, I do suffer from depression. What I have an issue with is the fact that people can't get themselves out of that pit. Most times when someone has this problem they go to the doctor and get some happy pills. I do the same thing. I occasionally get to the point where I can't even stand to be in the same room with myself so off I go to make an appointment. Wow I seem to be having a very hard time articulating this with you. So I'm just gonna say this way, and if I offend someone, well so be it... God damn it, life sucks for everyone. The majority of the population keeps on going. Why? Because that is what we do as humans. Fall down, get up, brush ourselves off, and start marching again. There isn't anything out there that is so bad we need to kill ourselves. Perspective is needed. So say a mother looses her child to cancer, and feels like she can't go on. I get that, but there is so much more you can do for your child than permanently curl up in a ball and wither away, or more bluntly put...off yourself. Become a warrior against cancer, become a mentor, or support for another family...
 

For some reason though society seems to have forgotten that lesson, and now it is ok to sit there and expect others to stop what they are doing and to feel sorry for us, even complete strangers. It has become the norm in society to sit there and use past transgression upon us as an excuse for our behaviors today. Ya know there is some truth in that, but if it was the case straight through and through, the little child who was beaten, raped, mistreated, and all sorts of other horrors wouldn't ever become anything other than a product of their environment, and I know for a fact there are many of those kids out there stomping the hell out of their past and blowing by us "normal" people.  We are a super sized generation, and in that super sizedness...our emotions are super sized too. It's time we reign it back in to what is supposed to be normal, and get a correct perspective on life.

There are people who's life sucks worse than mine and yours and yet they sit there and smile and are thankful for the life they do have. What right do I have to sit there and wallow in my self-pity when they are still able to smile? Can I cry about my situation? Hell yeah, but the point is to cry, learn, move on. I come up against a tough time in life and I'm not sure how the hell I'm gonna get through it, I have to make a conscious decision to look back on my life and find all the other times where I came up against a tough time, and realize even though at the time of these "catastrophes" I thought it was the end of the world...I got through it. If I got through that, and at the time it was the worst thing in the world that could ever, ever happen, or so I thought at the time...I can get through this worst thing in the whole wide world that is happening right now. 


And now I'm rambling, and I still got nothing on how I need to deal with my friend, or rather how I need to deal with me, about my friend. It's all about the perspective I guess. Lesson learned.


I realize that there are parts where I don't really address somethings, and I went back to do that, but it ended up covering much more that what the simple reason for this post was, and becoming extra super long...if you need clarification, or would like to continue on a point I made feel free to comment.

Thankful for My Problems

Sometimes I have a very hard time being thankful for what I have. I at times get so focused on all the shitty things going on that the little things just evade me. I have to make a conscious effort to stop my line of thinking and get it back on track, but sometimes...it's just so hard. 


I hate when I get into the negative mind frame, it tends to be a real downer, and I much prefer the uppers. (no I'm not a pill popper in that sense) I hate being depressed, and one of the only ways for me to get out of that funk is to kick myself in the ass, the other is to take some "happy pills" which I hate. I take enough medicine, and I would rather not add more, but occasionally it is something I have to do.


When we were living off of only $451 a month, it was really hard for me to go into the store and see all those cute baby clothes. I wanted to shop myself silly with all the clothes that would have been so adorable on my baby, but I barely had enough to buy the diapers. I would get down because I couldn't buy my kids all the cute clothes and toys that they "needed". 


Then there was the time that we were basically homeless. I mean we had a place to stay, but we weren't supposed to be there. It was a building that DH was trying to buy. It had apartments upstairs but they weren't up to code and there was no electricity. We ended up staying downstairs in what would have been a place of business. We had electricity down there, but there wasn't any heat or hot water. Neither the boiler or the water heater worked. We made a "tent" house to keep the little bit of heat we got from the electric heaters in so  we wouldn't be freezing, and heated up water old style to take baths. I HATED that time in life. 


Then we finally moved back to Minnesota and the five of us plus one dog ended up in a hotel room for 4 months. I seriously didn't have a stove for like a year and a half. I have to say I am VERY VERY thankful for stove and the house we rent now. People say that being poor is more enriching because you are so thankful for what you do have...I say bullshit. Don't get me wrong, I was very thankful for what we did have, but being that poor and down and out is a total mind fuck. It's humiliating, degrading, embarrassing, and stressful as all hell. My self esteem hit an all time low. I really struggled to find the good in those situations, and I'm happy to say we are doing better financially now.


Then there was the time when Superman was first born. This poor kid would throw-up every time he was fed. I'm not talking the spit-up that babies do. I'm talking actually throwing up. For two very long months I sat and watched my baby loose weight and cry non-stop, and nothing we did seemed to help. We tried different formulas, medicines...nothing worked.  We finally got him scheduled for x-rays on his stomach, and the night before the appointment he got really bad and we drove the fifty miles to the hospital. They were slammed and the doctor checked his vitals, and since they were ok, he sent us home as we already had the appointment the next day. The next day I drove the fifty miles again while DH stayed at home with Jokester and Princess. They took Superman into x-ray, and came out twenty minutes later telling me they were prepping him for surgery. I was devastated and scared shitless. It turned out he had Pyloric Stenosis, and in the 150 times the doctor had seen this and operated, Superman was the worse case he had ever seen. Superman improved immediately after the surgery, and has been shoveling food into his mouth non-stop since. 


So there have been many times in my life where I was totally overwhelmed with the events happening in my life, and I'm not sure exactly how I got through it all, I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. I had to stop focusing on the bad, and start looking for things to be thankful for. While the boys were babies, I may not have had the money to buy them new cute things, but they didn't go without. I may have not lived in the perfect house with the perfect conditions, but I did have a roof over my families head and food to eat. I may not have had the ability to heal Superman when he was sick, but there was a doctor who did, and he is now a typical kid with no residual health problems.  


Yeah, there is much for me to be thankful for, I just have to stop and get out of my funk to notice the good things, and remember to be thankful whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. It is after all my life, and I have the choice to wallow and sink or rise up and live.

Little Girl

Oh Lord it's one of those days where the humor just seems to be hiding from me, and I'm all in a funk. I wrote this for a friend a while back, but in truth...it's part of my story.


So the little girl could not understand why this all was happening to her. She prayed to God every day, only to find He had left no answer. The days dragged on, while she carried this burden only to make repeated mistakes based on her emotions. Dear Lord, if another does not respect my body, then why Lord should I? I can use it to get what I think I want and need, everybody just uses it the way they want anyways. 


And so the choices she made as life went on left scars much deeper than he ever did. The "hiding" the pain in a bottle of whiskey worked only for alittle while, eventually she was drowning and her "life vest" couldn't save her. It was time to confront the demons that stalked her day in and day out. Dear Lord, she said I've made a bigger mess. How do I become happy and enjoy this life you've given? 


Dear child he said, all you have to do is love and forgive. Give me your burdens, and I will take them for you. Rest in peace tonight dear child for there is a reason this happened to you. You felt this violation so that you may help another. Someone who is just as lost as you were so many years ago. Guide her and keep her safe, you know the path to get through the pain. When she stumbles, help her to walk tall. When she makes the wrong choices direct her straight, and know dear child that even though you don't always hear me...I'm just a heart beat away. 


So with that chapter coming to an end, a new one begins. The little girl, now a woman and a mother reaches out her hand to help the other stand.

Wondering What's Wrong

Do you ever have those days where your just kinda there? Where nothing seems to quite fit or seem right? I'm sure you have, I know I have. It's not that your depressed, or sad, and it's not that anything really is wrong. It's just a feeling of being out of sync. Can't quite put your finger on it.

Kind of like when your hungry or craving  something, but nothing sounds good. You keep trying different foods but none of them do the job for you and that craving is still there. I get that one a lot. I tend to get bored with the same foods all the time. DH got the idea one time to buy a butt load of hamburger cuz it was cheap and we didn't have much money at the time. By the second night of eating meals that consisted of hamburger I was done.  

Life is funny, things can be going just great, and all of a sudden... Wham! This thing just knocks you upside the head. After getting your senses back you stand there and look around wondering what the hell just happened. People around you can tell something isn't right, but when they ask you, all you can say is, " I don't know" which sounds stupid as all hell. I mean it's you, and you should know what's going on right?

It usually doesn't last long, maybe not even a day, but it gets you thinking. Thinking about things that are going on in your life. Trying to figure out where this feeling is coming from. You start ponder on your life and how it's going. You slowly start checking off things that aren't leading to this feeling. Things like, is it your job, your spouse, your kids, you health...

You spend an enormous amount of time trying to figure out just what is wrong. For some of you it's now starting to cross the line from pondering to obsessing on it. It sometimes goes down this road for me. Now your analyzing everything with a fine tooth comb. Still getting nothing. 

Then something happens for just a moment...something that makes you stop, and take notice of it. It might be your children just being goofy and cracking each other up. Maybe it's noticing a new flower in your garden that is beautiful. Maybe it's seeing a lady who looks like the world gave up on her. Maybe it's the rainbow after the rain. Maybe it's the child in the store who's crying because they want a piece of candy. It could be the old man just taking a walk and enjoying life. Then it hits you...

This thing that has been plaguing you all this time. This thing that you started  becoming so obsessed about just trying to figure it out. This thing that robbed you of all this time wasted. Turns out to be so simple. So easy. Something that should be second nature for all of us. 

You forgot to stop and enjoy life. Many people call it, "stopping to smell the roses". We get so busy doing our lives that we forget to just be. To live. To breathe. We forget to bask in the child's laughter. We forget to be thankful for what we have. We stop noticing others. We stop having a giving heart. We need to start living our lives, and to do that...we must stop doing our lives. 

Floating Blubberingness

Why is it that a lot of women second guess themselves? You know I really never used to do this, but lately I've noticed that I've been doing this a lot. Way back when I was younger, I would look at all the information on something, look at the pro's and con's and just make my decision. Now...I find I'm wishy washy. It's almost like I have forgotten just who I am, and what I like. What I liked yesterday I'm finding that I don't like today. Hell for that matter, what I liked an hour ago, I don't like now. This is really starting to piss me off! I hate being up in the air all the time. I liked my little routine that I followed, and heaven forbid if I didn't have my lists! Now I hate my routine, I find my lists make me depressed, and I feel like I'm just sort of floating around bouncing off of stuff.  What happened?

I can't really answer that because every time I think I've pinned it down it turns out to not be so. I do know somethings though,

I know I'm tired, just plain worn out.

I know I am finding out that I really do not like Minnesota winters! Thinking I'm gonna be a Florida transplant someday when I'm older and retire...yeah like that's ever going to happen, I'm talking about the retiring thing, of course I'm going to get older unfortunately.

I'm finding I really hate waiting on people who are perfectly capable of taking care of their own shit.

Listening to Smokey scratching and thumping is seriously going to push me over the edge. Especially if he's doing it right outside my bedroom door. Damn it dog I need my sleep!

I really hate doing homework with Jokester. Good Lord child just write your spelling words already.

I really hate vehicles. All vehicles. I'm gonna get me a horse and buggy, then again that would be really cold here, so Florida here I come. With my horse and buggy. You've had your warning.

Stupid drivers make me turn red. They will probably make me explode when I'm driving the horse and buggy.

I love bringing the boys outside during the summer and teaching them all about nature. Jokester is the best, and just soaks it all up. Superman, he's too busy trying to climb up the truck or get on the roof  of the house to pay much attention.

I know I can handle a major emergency and not panic, that is until everything is a okay. Then it's time to collapse into a heap of  emotional blubberingness.

I know that if someone breaks into the house they will definitely wish they hadn't. Cuz I will go all ape shit up in their face with my trusty bat and three crazy dogs on them. I probably wont sleep for a year after that though.

I love watching my children sleep. There is no need to explain this one.

I love seeing the sparkle in Princess's eyes while looking at brochures of collages. She can't wait, but I sure can. I'm not ready for my baby to leave the fold. Damn it she better pick one close to home.

I know that I should spend more time with my family and friends, but lately I've been finding it hard to leave the house. It makes me sad and frustrated because I just don't know why this is. 

These are all little parts of me I guess, plus so much more. As thoughts of likes and dislikes float through my head, somehow I need to reach out and plant them firmly down just so I can see who I truly am. Maybe it's just my age, maybe it's the crazy life that I've had starting to get to me. Maybe it's just a time for reflection and change. One thing is for certain and that is that I really really do not like roller coasters whether it be an actual one or the ride that is  my life.

Nerves Like Wet Spaghetti Noodles

Jokester is really getting on my nerves today. He is the type of kid who needs constant interaction with other people, or needs constant stimulation from video games or movies. I think silence makes him very uncomfortable. 

All is fine if someone is playing with him, or he is playing a video game. If say Superman decides he wants to do something by himself, Jokester has a fit. He will mope around and in general become a huge pain in the ass to me. I could literally play with him for twelve hours and he still wouldn't be happy. 

Superman on the other hand, likes to do his own thing. If he needs someone to play with him, he will politely ask you to play with him. If you happen to be busy at the moment he will usually wait patiently until your done doing whatever it is.

Not Jokester. He will hound you every three minutes. "Mom, can I play games on the computer?" "Not right now Jokerster." Three minutes later, "mom how about now?" "Jokester, I will tell you when it's time, now go play with something else." Three minutes later, "mom"..."Jokester if you ask me one more time you will not be playing on the computer, do you hear me?" "Yeah." One minute later, "now?" "Ok Jokester, no computer today. I'm done with this stuff." I have to push him away, or he will just sit there and do those deep sighs until he gets his way. I'm not playing that game either.  

It doesn't matter if you just played three games of pool, or swords, or the new game he invented. He want's you to play with him non-stop. Unfortunately I can not do this. I have meals to make, laundry to do, dog hair to vacuum, and other various things that need to be done in order to make the house run. 


So we are painfully and very slowly working on getting his imagination working so that he doesn't need the constant stimulation. He really does have an awesome imagination if only he would use it. In the mean time I will continue to be the "mean" mom. 


Random thought: A hidden tube of chap stick when placed in the dryer will and has melted all over the laundry. Fuck.

Sledding Down a Mountian

I have to apologize for some of these lame posts. I just don't seem to have it in me on some days, but I still write about a bunch of crap that doesn't really seem to go together. Got some things weighing heavy on the mind, and there are some days where I just really can't find my funny. I guess today would be one of them.

I have a lot of friends who say to me, "Kim I don't know how you do it, life kicks you in the stomach and you just keep walking." I have to say that yes I do just keep on walking, don't do no good to just stand still wallowing in the problems. While I continue walking I take a deep breath and just put one foot in front of the other. That doesn't mean that the shitty situations don't affect me, because they do. Just like everyone else out there I do get bogged down sometimes, but I have to keep going. I know that eventually whatever might be causing me stress or discomfort will eventually work it's self out. It sure doesn't seem like it though at the moment. Sometimes I just want to give up because it all seems too hard.

You know those time's when you are at odds with your other half, and the kids are raising hell and tearing down the house with you still in it. There's a dog pissing on your couch, and the damn truck keeps breaking down. Then there are the medical appointments, the stupid medical insurance, and the arrogant asshole doctors who refuse to listen, and for God's sake what's up with the price of gas? I am seriously going to get whiplash from bobbing my head up and down with these prices. Hmm, wonder if there is a lawsuit in there somewhere. Yeah right. 

Oh let's not forget the evil mailman (oops mail delivery person, must be politically correct now don't we) who seems to have it out for me. What did I ever do to you? I make sure the sidewalk is all free of snow and ice for you, ok Princess does that part mostly, but I'm the one who makes her do it. Then there is the matter of making sure your not late on your electric payment, other wise the whole fricken thing will be due...yesterday. Let's just forget the fact that it was the electric company who screwed up in the first place. Ah yes you all can kiss my ass little ole electric company, made the last payment due to you and am current on my bill. Those times when the paycheck doesn't quite meet the amount of all the bills coming in, and one of the angels getting mad and whipping a dog bone at his sisters door which resulted in said door now having a hole in it. 

The neighbor having a drunken fight on their front steps...again. Really? Bring it inside or you will be dealing with me. Now let's talk about the neighbor person (see they wont tell you who made the complaints) who kept calling various city departments on us to harass us the first summer we lived here. It's funny how the police and everyone else that was called figured out someone was harassing us and put it in their reports. How surprising it was that when I was sitting out in the back yard and proclaimed loudly enough for the neighbors to hear, that I would beat the shit outta the cowardly bastards who kept harassing us, that suddenly the false complaints stopped. You know, come to think of it, I guess most of the above doesn't really matter, cuz the kids will have tore down the house. Problem solved. Gotta love those kids! Great problem solvers they be.

So if you are reading this and life has gotten you down, just remember there's others out there  just like you. We all got our problems, and they all seem insurmountable, but just like everyone else we will all get over that mountain...eventually. Just remember to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and for a really good time...make sure you bring a sled for the ride down the other side of that mountain...it's a total rush no matter how short the ride is to the next mountain. Scream like a little girl or boy, and wave your hands in the air, laugh out loud cuz I know I do. It's the only way to live.

You Know Your Life is Crazy When...

So I have some health problems. These wonderful problems seem to perplex the medical field, which in turns frustrates the hell out of me. Allow me to elaborate here without details, or rather many details. You do need to know some in order to follow the story here. Argh.


First things first...I have a seizure disorder. I do not have normal seizures, why go normal when you can be abnormal right? They call them atypical. Ooh! I get a special word for my lovely seizures. Atypical means the following:

a·typ·i·cal

adjective

not typical;  not conforming to the type; irregular; abnormal: atypical behavior; a flower atypical of the species.

Yep that about sums me up right there, and I'm not talking just about the seizures. I'm thinking it's not such a good thing when your doctor gives you this label. Maybe this is the reason the jackass doesn't listen to me. 

Anyyyhoo, so some of the problems I have been having could be symptoms of  a seizure when I do have them. So me being me, decided to try to narrow down the possibility's. Oh silly me, whatever was I thinking? I make an appointment with my incompetent wonderful neurologist to see if changing my medicine from generic to the brand name will help. I get the old run around and he tells me, "it's not the medicine, it works just fine and your levels are within range." Humph. I tell him, "my original doctor specifically put it in my records that I was NOT to get generic, since the one time the pharmacy decided to replace them with generic I started having seizures". He says, "there are more breakthrough seizures with the brand name than the generic. Have a nice day see you in a year". Yeah, fuck you.

Well things do not improve and in fact are getting much worse. So I made another appointment with him to address the same thing.  Same spiel except this time he actually listens to me describe the symptoms.  His answer..."your depressed go see a psychologist." I...hate...this...man. Now I could really tell you what I feel and think about him, but I'm sure I would offend, oh, I don't know, like half the world. Guess I'm not going there. 

I go home utterly flattened, and decide to look up physical symptoms of depression. Strange, they kinda sound like what I have only there's one simple thing missing......I AM NOT DEPRESSED! What I am is PISSED OFF! To appease the neurology doctor who thinks he's God I make an appointment with a psychologist, but only so I can go back to him and throw it in his pompous face. Weehaa I'm starting to feel better now.  

So I go to my appointment with the shrink, and I tell her why I'm there. I then proceed to tell her a bit about myself, cuz that's what your supposed to do right? I tell her the meds I'm on, one of which is Bupropion. For those of you who don't know what this medicine is, it is well... an anti-depressant. Here's the catch, I'm not on it for depression. It also is supposed to help a person quit smoking. Guess what? It's not working, cuz I'm still smoking like a chimney stack, however I am not depressed...haha we covered that somewhere up there now didn't we. Fricken neurologist take that. If you actually looked at my record, and I know you didn't, you would see that I'm already on an anti-depressant. 

Well we talk for my hour, and at the end she says, "your not depressed, your overwhelmed and need a vacation, and obviously have some medical issues that need to be address, and you really should try to get into see your original neurologist since this one seems to be an ass. Ok she didn't really call him an ass, but you get the drift". THANK YOU!! She is now my best friend. Ok well maybe not my best friend since seeing her is $200 a pop, but since my insurance covers it...she is my new best friend once a week. Hmm, now that I put that on "paper" so to speak, that's kinda saddening. I think I have crossed over to depressed...Na. 

So why keep going to her when I'm not depressed? Well why the hell not? I felt much better after unloading on her, she gives me some things to think on. Like I need any more things to think on. And one can never have too many different perspectives when looking at a problem. Then again in my case if there are too many I just might get confused.  I'm talking perspectives here, then again problems would also qualify for causing confusion.


Now I'm getting to the part that resulted in the title of this blog. You see, I don't feel that I'm a particularly funny person. I have a strange sense of humor. Kinda on the sarcastic side with an odd little twist. I never get jokes. Yeah it sucks to be the last one laughing, but it is who I am. I see myself as a rather somber type of person. So when the following thing happens, it tickles me to the bone.

I have seen her a grand ole total of three times, and apparently my life, yes the CRAZY LIFE that this blog is based on, is hilarious. Either that or I'm two sheets shy of the looney bin and she's keeping it a secret from me. The reason I say this is that on all three occasions of  seeing her, I cracked her up. I wasn't even trying people! I give her credit though she really tries to hold it in. I mean come on how unprofessional is it to laugh at your clients life?  Tonight it resulted in her snorking. What is snorking you ask? Well it's similar to snorting, but it's snorking. Plus the sound that came from her didn't really qualify as a snort. I couldn't use snort since I am an Atypical sort of person. So I have come up with my own term cuz if your going to be different you might as well go with a bang. Ha ha snork, damn I even crack myself up. Good thing I see a psychologist now isn't it?

Why.....?

Yesterdays post was emotionally draining and left me physically whooped. So to better lighten the mood, here we go...

Why is it when I have my slippers on, there is always someone trying to walk in them... with me? It makes it very difficult to walk up the stairs when you are stepping in my slipper. If you need a pair I will gladly get you your own pair. Keep your paws outta my slippers so I do not continue to stumble around the house looking like I'm shitfaced . I don't care if it seems to provide entertainment for the family.  Thank you in advance Smokey and Superman.

Why is it when I'm in the middle of some serious typing, the keyboard on my laptop suddenly decides to have a hissy fit? I really need the spacebar and the back button. Especially the back button since I seem to go backwards more than forwards thanks to the non working space button. If you weren't connected to my computer I would have, without a thought flung you across the room. Were you having a bad day yesterday, you seem fine today? Devious little thing you are. See I told you it liked to fuck with me.

Why Smokey, why are you so irritating? This constant licking and scratching is driving me nuts! There is no cause for you to do this. With the constant thump, thump, thump that you do you should have been named Thumper. Never mind the thrp... thrp... thrp sound you make when you constantly lick yourself. Wow you know your a bad speller when you have trouble spelling a non-word. Different story...let's not go there just yet.

Why Superman, when I'm at my last straw with you, you somehow manage to get a chuckle out of me? I guess the real question would be how do you do it. You must have some inner radar system that warns you that you have entered enemy territory or something, and beat a hasty retreat with saying something cute as hell. If I make it through your teenage years alive it will be a miracle. Y'all better start praying for me now.

Why DH do you let a good ole stinky whopper go while in bed, and then proceed to cover my head with the blankets? You seriously must have a death wish. I will gladly grant that wish if you continue to do this to me. Just remember I know where you sleep my love, and for the most part I am awake while you sleep. Hmm, then again you are awake while I sleep. Must make sure I have a strategic plan in force before proceeding. 

Why Princess is it that after I have showed you time and time again how to clean the fricken bathroom you persist on doing it wrong? Yes, I am a control freak, what of it? One of these days I shall just lock you in there till you get it right. I know you can do this, you do after all get straight A's at school without batting an eye, so I know your smart enough to figure this out.

Why Jokester do you have to be so brutally honest with me. Have you not had any of your dads DNA of charm pass to you. Walking up to me and with a laugh pronounce, "wow mom your butt is big", is not considered humor. I brought you into this world my young son, I can take you out. Now people, like I would really hurt my kids, it's all empty threats. Unfortunately they have figured this out. Snap.

Speaking of dads charm, Honey cracking the joke of, "your butts so big that the moon has to orbit it because of the gravitational pull" WAS   NOT   FUNNY. I know you thought it hilarious and cracked yourself up, and when you told your mom she tried not to chuckle but you had better start sleeping with one eye open my dear. If you don't know what I mean refer to the question about you above.

Thank you my family for noticing when I'm having a bad day and stop to give me a hug and tell me you love me. While you are the straw that broke the camels back, you are the glue to put him back together.

Thank you family for telling me dinner was GREAT even when I know I bombed with it.  The fact that it took you two hours to eat it boys was a dead give away.

Thank you my wonderful family for providing the chaos that makes up my CRAZY LIFE, I wouldn't have it any other way. Umm second thought, knock it off or I will run away. Far, far away.

Thank you family for loving me even when I'm not perfect. Yes I admitted it, I am not perfect. DH you know have written proof that I said this. If you use this against me, you better start sleeping with both eyes open.

I love you. 


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