Floating Blubberingness

Why is it that a lot of women second guess themselves? You know I really never used to do this, but lately I've noticed that I've been doing this a lot. Way back when I was younger, I would look at all the information on something, look at the pro's and con's and just make my decision. Now...I find I'm wishy washy. It's almost like I have forgotten just who I am, and what I like. What I liked yesterday I'm finding that I don't like today. Hell for that matter, what I liked an hour ago, I don't like now. This is really starting to piss me off! I hate being up in the air all the time. I liked my little routine that I followed, and heaven forbid if I didn't have my lists! Now I hate my routine, I find my lists make me depressed, and I feel like I'm just sort of floating around bouncing off of stuff.  What happened?

I can't really answer that because every time I think I've pinned it down it turns out to not be so. I do know somethings though,

I know I'm tired, just plain worn out.

I know I am finding out that I really do not like Minnesota winters! Thinking I'm gonna be a Florida transplant someday when I'm older and retire...yeah like that's ever going to happen, I'm talking about the retiring thing, of course I'm going to get older unfortunately.

I'm finding I really hate waiting on people who are perfectly capable of taking care of their own shit.

Listening to Smokey scratching and thumping is seriously going to push me over the edge. Especially if he's doing it right outside my bedroom door. Damn it dog I need my sleep!

I really hate doing homework with Jokester. Good Lord child just write your spelling words already.

I really hate vehicles. All vehicles. I'm gonna get me a horse and buggy, then again that would be really cold here, so Florida here I come. With my horse and buggy. You've had your warning.

Stupid drivers make me turn red. They will probably make me explode when I'm driving the horse and buggy.

I love bringing the boys outside during the summer and teaching them all about nature. Jokester is the best, and just soaks it all up. Superman, he's too busy trying to climb up the truck or get on the roof  of the house to pay much attention.

I know I can handle a major emergency and not panic, that is until everything is a okay. Then it's time to collapse into a heap of  emotional blubberingness.

I know that if someone breaks into the house they will definitely wish they hadn't. Cuz I will go all ape shit up in their face with my trusty bat and three crazy dogs on them. I probably wont sleep for a year after that though.

I love watching my children sleep. There is no need to explain this one.

I love seeing the sparkle in Princess's eyes while looking at brochures of collages. She can't wait, but I sure can. I'm not ready for my baby to leave the fold. Damn it she better pick one close to home.

I know that I should spend more time with my family and friends, but lately I've been finding it hard to leave the house. It makes me sad and frustrated because I just don't know why this is. 

These are all little parts of me I guess, plus so much more. As thoughts of likes and dislikes float through my head, somehow I need to reach out and plant them firmly down just so I can see who I truly am. Maybe it's just my age, maybe it's the crazy life that I've had starting to get to me. Maybe it's just a time for reflection and change. One thing is for certain and that is that I really really do not like roller coasters whether it be an actual one or the ride that is  my life.