Without these bad things we wouldn't be the person we are. Whether it was living with alcoholic parents, beatings, molesting, and all the other horrible things that can happen to a person we must remember we are not alone.
Sometimes things in our current life just aren't going very smooth. It maybe that we keep making bad decisions in relationships, or maybe following in the footsteps of an abuser. The variables are too many to list here, but our past has a habit of following us around. Especially if we have not dealt with it or come to terms over what happened in the past.
Please don't take this as me being flippant, and me thinking things can just change over night. I know it sure can't. It takes a lot of work, and a lot of courage to face the demons that continue to plague us and bring us down. The fact of the matter is, we just have to take that step into the fear in order to heal.
Nobody want's to do something that bring the feeling of fear, and nobody sure as hell wants to relive a horrible moment in time. We are fearful of being swallowed by the pain, but pain unfortunately in this case is good. I know that I tend to be the type of person who kind of puts things on the back burner to deal with at a later date. Then I carry on with my busy life. It's not that I don't want to deal with it, but it's that there is so much more going on that I just don't have the time. Eventually things in my life start melting down. Well actually it's me that does the melting. It becomes too much for me to carry, and I have to deal with it if I want to continue living a full life.
So when I come to that point in life where nothing is going right, I have to take a step back and evaluate the things on that back burner. I have gone back to that back burner many times in my life. Most of the things are new, every once in awhile it's something that I thought I had already dealt with.
With me, my body is the indicator that my load is too much, and it's time to clean house. My body starts manifesting problems to let me know things aren't right. I might start breaking out in sudden hives for no reason. My eyes might all of a sudden swell shut. I might catch every bug going around because my immune system is shutting down because my stress level is so great that my body focuses only on dealing with the stress. I get headaches all the time. A lot of them are stress headaches. I have long periods of depression also.
I hate living like that, being sick all the time really sucks. While some of the things are actually legitimate like my seizures, there are many that are cause by just plain ole stress. If I want to get better health wise...I have to put on my big girl panties, buck up and face whatever is causing my body to hate me. I hate having to clean off that back burner, but I hate being sick all the time more. It's my choice on whether or not I'm going to be healthy.
For some of you out there the past events in your life have caused mental problems. Hey that ok. It's totally ok to have mental problems. It doesn't change who you are on the inside, it just makes life...a bit more interesting to deal with. I also have to tell you that you are not alone. There are many people out there just like you. The events that started you down that road may be different, but the out come is the same.
Whether your dealing with something mentally, or physically I want you to know that you are loved, no matter what your faults or problems may be. Go on give yourself a big ole hug, you deserve it.
Hey I wasn't joking on the giving yourself a hug thing...do it now. Ok much better. See I have that mommy power. I can make you do something from miles away.
If you need to talk to someone shoot me an email. Sometimes it's easier to talk with someone you don't know. There isn't much out there that will shock me. I will be honest though, I do not deal well with suicidal thoughts. I am still trying to come to grips on this, and I tend to freeze on this topic, but I will do my best to listen because everybody deserves to be heard.
Ya know these post just never seem to go in the direction that i thought I wanted to go. I guess it all depends on where my heart is. Hope you get something from this and continue to read as I ramble on through this Crazy Life.
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