Kale? Really? Well Ok Then.

I have decided that it is time to get healthier and loose some weight...ok like a lot of weight. About 60 lbs or so. Yep ya'll I'm a tubby. I usually don't eat a lot of junk food, and we usually don't have much processed food here. Most of what we eat is homemade straight from my heart. Yeah right, it is homemade though. So with that being said...


I have a pop addiction. Yeah big time. I love my pop, which is weird since I don't like to put a bunch of crap I can't pronounce in my body. I guess it is what it is, and it's bad for my health and body so it must go. Problem...I have no idea what to replace it with. I can manage to drink tea, but only with a ton of sugar( kinda defeats the purpose there). I hate the taste and smell of coffee. OMG when DH makes his espresso's I really want to puke. Water...it's so...blah. The only time that I can actually suck water down is when it's hotter than a witches tit (where did that saying come from? I just can't picture a witch's tit being hot, can you?) outside and then that is the only thing that will quench my thirst as long as there are tons of ice cubes.
Diet anything is for sure out. I do not like the taste of it, nor will I allow myself to grow attached to the taste of something artificial. I have a hard enough time getting used to the taste of stuff that's actually good for me. Juice is not cost effective enough, and shouldn't be sucked down like there's no tomorrow anyhow. So as you can see...I'm screwed.


Moving on...a couple of months ago, well I guess sometime before Christmas I saw a documentary about some guy doing a 60 day juice fast. It got me thinking, and that's about all it did. When I told DH about it he on the other hand was like, "hell yeah, why not?" So I found him a juicer. Then I got him the recipe for the Mean Green Juice. Then I got him the ingredients. Can you guess what came next? Yep, I made the juice for him. Can't you see it's all about the patterns here people?


This recipe had Kale in it, not a lot, but it had it. I don't know about you, but Kale is not my thing. At all. It stinks when you juice it and it is so strong and, and unpleasant tasting. The next time I made him a batch of this juice, I cut the amount of Kale in half and it still overpowered everything but the ginger. 


So I have established the fact that I do not like Kale. I don't care if it is the new super food to eat, and will wipe out every disease on earth. (Damn would't that be awesome?)  I do not like it. With that being said...


Last night, or rather early this morning I decided to try making my own veggie chips. So I looked it up on the good ole net, cuz that's were it's all at right. I found a recipe for carrot chips or rather strips, and since that's all I really had in the house that's what I made. So at 12:51am I started making them. Turned out pretty good too, and DH liked them. Think I will do things a bit different next time.


Now this brings me on to today. Guess what I'm making? Come on try and guess. Re-read over the last couple of paragraphs. Did you figure it out yet? Jeez...I'm making Kale chips with fresh shredded Parmesan. Bwahahaha! Guess what? They are pretty damn good, for Kale. I wouldn't call them chips though like everyone out there is calling them. Just cuz something is dried out and crunches don't mean it's a chip. You sure could never dip these things. They are fricken dried leaves for crying out loud, but I'll eat them. In fact, I can't seem to stop eating them. If DH don't get his butt up soon there wont be any for him to try out.


Here's what I did if you would like to try these:


I only made a small amount just in case they were gross.


four stems of kale
olive oil spray
sea salt
fresh Parmesan


Pre-heat oven to 350F


Wash and make sure you dry the kale well. Very important that it's dry.


Remove the leaves from the stems and place on a cookie sheet that has been sprayed with olive oil.


Spray the leaves with the olive oil


Take the sea salt and with your fingers sprinkle on the leaves of kale.


Shred some fresh parmesan and sprinkle lightly on each kale leaf.


Bake in heated oven for about twelve minutes. They will be done when the edges dry out and they feel crispy. 

Could it be Spring Fever?

I am having a very emotional, pissed off kinda week here. Not sure what's causing it, but wow something's got to give. 


I feel sort of caged in. It's very hard to explain...while I'm free to go do whatever I want, I am not free. Did that even make sense? Maybe on top of being an emotional ticking time bomb I'm also unable to communicate. I have become the Disney cartoon "Taz". Yippie.


On a brighter note. I have been feeling a lot better since the reduction in my Dilantin dose and I just got the call from my Neurologist. My Dilantin levels are within normal range again...high but within normal range! My MRI scan came back clean. The ole noggin is back! Yippie! Now what to do with it now. Hmm.


I suppose I could focus on the good news I just got and get my butt outta "Taz" Mode. I spend too much time forgetting to enjoy the good things. I get too busy just doing the day to day stuff. 


Yesterday was beautiful out. A bit windy, but just one of those perfect spring days. I was out doing some raking, and hanging some laundry and my heart was content. I know what's wrong with me? Yard work + laundry = content heart? Whoa baby! Better take this up with my "new" best friend Friday. 


So maybe I have spring fever or something, and maybe that's what's giving me this feeling of being caged in. I am not out there drinking in the beautiful scenery that God has given us. I'm too pre-occupied with trying to set up some order in my chaotic life. Maybe right now is just the time to...BE. Because the good Lord know's I will never be organized with what I have to work with here.

Hell Yeah! My Boys Rock!

Well hmm, if I could ever get my butt off of Facebook I might actually get something written here. That and a whole bunch of other things that seem to become an obstacle, you know like me still under the weather, or Jokester having the flu, or conferences tonight, or dinner, or laundry. 


Holy crap! Conferences! 


Ok so I am totally writing this like an hour later. Why? Because I had just looked at the clock and guess what? The clock said 5:19. No biggie right? Wrong. Superman's conference was at 5:20. Good thing the school is only three minutes away if traffic is bad. 


So now I'm back from conferences. Who knew that if Superman stopped beating the crap outta the people in his class he would actually really kick some academic butt? Priorities my son, priorities. Let's just say his teacher is blown away by his intellect. (Oh yes, I blatantly  just strutted about how smart my kid is, oh yeah oh yeah.) He is so ready for Kindergarten.


Jokester continues to make progress in catching up to the rest of the class. I wish that I had been able to get him into this school last year and not had him with the most shittiest teacher ever. She did so much harm in his learning when she wrote him off twenty-three days into the school year. BITCH. Here's what the current school did for him. Not only did this school, NOT put him back in kindergarten per your recommendation, but put him in 1st grade and managed to teach him the crap you were supposed to teach him and get him just shy to being on target. We shall be visiting former school when he gets the papers to go onto 2nd grade so that Jokester I can shove it in said BITCHES face. 


So sorry about the rant, but hey what the hell. I'm proud of my kids, and I'm not afraid to show it. Nor am I afraid to get up in someone's face to kick some ass. Ya know, now that I write that...it doesn't even make sense, get up in your face and kick some ass? Two totally different area's of the body...naw seriously I'm just that good.


Of course once again I didn't write about what I was going to write about. I can't even remember what it was that I was going to write about, but this turned out so much better. Why? Because rather than tell you about the chaos that is my life, I get to tell you about just how damn smart and lovable my boys are.

Superman is itching his nose, seriously he is

Without them life sure would be easier, but who the hell wants easy when you can have The Crazy Life. And now I'm just sharing the Ramblings of a Mom.
Oh Lord I'm done, I promise ROFL.

Knocked Out for Forty-five Hours, and a Whole Bunch of Other Stuff

Well today seems to be going good so far. I can say that I am not tired that's for sure. I caught some 48hr bug and seriously slept 45 of those hours. 


So if you've been following my blog or my Facebook page, you will know that I've been having some medical issues lately. One of them being me trying to get put on the name brand drug for my seizures. Since I moved to Wisconsin six years ago I have been prescribed Phenytoin rather than the Dilantin I had been on. 


We  moved back to Minnesota and I tried to get to see my old Neurologist but it seems he's quite the busy guy with teaching and hospital work and the wait was gonna be a long one, and I needed my meds. so I saw one of his whatcha callem's co-worker thingies. Colleague, that's the word. I saw one of his colleagues. Hmm, not such a good pair we were not. Here's the low down on that one 


So anyhow, back to the story. I finally get to see my original Neurologist and the first thing he asks me is, "how is the depression?" Whoa Frickin Nelly! Hold the boat for a moment. So I explain that the "depression" thing is a load of crap, and something else is going on. I tell him my thoughts on what might be happening. Ya know the whole generic drug thing. I ask him what is it going to hurt if for a couple of months we switch over to the Dilantin, and see if this could be part of my health problems? He's like, "what the hell let's give it a go." Yes my doctor totally said, what the hell. I love him.


So it's been a couple of months later and I had an appointment with him today. First thing he says is, " well you don't look depressed." WTH? I'm gonna hurt that other doctor for putting that in my file. He must have wrote it in bold red colors or something. Now I do in fact suffer from depression, but it's not something that I have to battle every day. I am aware of the times when I am unable to control it and I can't get myself outta a funk, and I need happy pills to help me. Right now though? I'm Good to go. Actually there is a valid reason he keeps asking me this. Apparently Dilantin can cause depression. It also can, get this, cause seizures. Not even going there. Nope. Not at all.


Oh yeah, back to the story. So I tell him about the dizziness and vertigo stuff that's been going on and I tell him it's been going on for awhile, but in the last month has gotten super duper bad. He tells me to get my levels checked, and he wants an MRI since neither of us can remember when I last had one. Ya know, just to make sure things are still normal in the noggin, or at least as normal as I seem to get.


I felt pretty good about the appointment. Holy crap, I just got all medical lingual on myself...totally deleted it all as I'm sure you all could care less unless of course you have a seizure disorder. Here's the dealio ...Everyone says that Phenytoin and Dilantin are the same thing. They are not! 


I was on 300mg twice a day of phenytoin that barely kept me in the lower normal levels. When I switched over to Dilantin my doctor kept me at the same dosage. This is after all an experiment...sort of. The doctor called me back about 30 minutes after I got home. Ok, did you catch that? The doctor called. Not his assistant, or his nurse, it was him.  He called to inform me that my levels were through the roof. Remember I'm on the same dosage as I was of the generic version. Ten to sixteen is the normal range. When I was on Phenytoin I was at a consistent 10.2 my Dilantin labs from today showed I was a toxic 44, and that was after throwing up a dose this weekend. He told me to cut 200mg out and told me to not take my dosage tonight, and to get back in on Monday to have my levels re-checked. 


Hmm why do they keep insisting that these two drugs are the same and interchangeable? I'm sitting here barely functioning because first off, someone refuses to put me on the right drug, and then the right drug just about puts me in the hospital. Holy Hell's Bells! Why does this stuff always happen to me? On a more positive note. I stupidly made the MRI appointment for tomorrow morning, which is ok, except my nose is newly pierced and I don't want to take it out. It will hurt like the dickens! I guess it wouldn't be so bad except the other day while trying to get buggers out very carefully with a Kleenex.(yes I do have buggers, and yes I have to get them out somehow, and no it apparently wasn't carefully enough)I popped the fricken post out of my nose. Picture this...me in bathroom, me going, "oh shit", me yelling, "Princess come here!" Princess showing up asking, "what", me and her looking at each other like a couple dorks, Princess giving me a pat on the back and telling me good luck and walking away. Me grinding my teeth as I try to put the stupid thing back in. You can after all only really fit one set of hands on a nose you know. It now hurts like hell...again. 


Pre-Publish Update: I called radiology and they said titanium was ok to leave in during an MRI. Thank you good Lord Jesus, and thank you super metal sensitive body for making me buy the expensive nose post!

Early Spring Cleaning...Yeah! Bite me

I have always wondered why it is that I never get anything done around here. I think today I figured it out. Good Gosh I hope I did, cuz this chick is about to crack. I will give you an idea of what it is that I'm up against.


It seems that Smokey has a problem with peeing in the house. Much better than the pooping in the house, but still...not acceptable in the least. Hell no it's not! There shall be no pee or poo in my house unless on the throne located in the lovely bathrooms. Even then there are rules and regulations, ya know. 


So I happened to be talking to DH as I was leaning so casually against the love seat and I happened to look down on the floor and saw a yellow coloring to my cream carpet. I looked at it, he looked at me looking at it, then figured he better look at what I was looking at. I reach down to feel it. (Yes folks I do that kinda thing. Got three kids, not much gonna faze me.) By God it was damp! So DH asked me if it's wet, to which I reply, " it's damp", and while I'm giving him this answer he's reaching down to feel it too. (Yes people, it takes two of use to figure stuff like this out.)


So the conclusion is that one of the dogs has peed in the house, and since it's right next to the love seat (not to mention upon closer inspection also on the side of love seat) it has to be one of the boys. Yes, I know there are some girl dogs out there that can kinda "spray", but Baby Girl wouldn't be one of them since she only has three legs. That would be sorta interesting to observe, and almost worth it.


No one in the house has ever witnessed any dog going potty in the house except the first day we got Smokey and he did his boy thing. I know it's not Henry. We've had him since he was 8 wks old so we know how he is. That leaves Smokey. Smokey is now confined to the kitchen. It doesn't matter if someone is home or not. I am very tired of having to break out the carpet cleaner to get rid of the dog pee and so far he just isn't getting it. Did I mention he's not the brightest bulb in the deck? I know, I know...shut-up and let me say the saying backwards.


Oh yeah! Back to the reason why I never get anything done around here. I think someone put some bad vibe crap on me. I'm about to tell you is the kind of stuff that happens to me all the time. I mean it happens so frequently that it just can't be called supernatural or a fluke.


So I go about getting the carpet cleaner out and cleaning up the pee spots after letting them soak in cleaner for some time. (Yes I found more spots once I was down on the floor.) I get all done, and go to empty the stupid waste water thingy majobber and the stupid thing like explodes all over me and the bathroom! Oh yeah! I forgot to mention it was dinner time by now. Jokester also chose this moment to come in and bug me about something. I told him to...well hell I have no idea what I told him to do. After watching nasty dirty pee water explode every where it's all kinda a blur. I do remember yelling for Princess to get me another towel since the two I had were dripping and not absorbing.


Manage to dry the bathroom and myself off, look at the clock and realize dinner should have been almost an hour ago. Guess what guys! Take out tonight!. Get everything taken care of, put boys to bed, dry the bathroom off AGAIN, yes again. I sure wish I could remember what the hell was happening at the moment of pee water explosion so I could quit doing it, but alas I am too busy standing there in horror as it rains pee water everywhere in my bathroom. 


I have decided to do a spring clean on the living room because of Smokey. I was going to start at the top of the house and work my way down anyhow, but yeah my usual life exploded on me. So now here I sit with with half an upstairs bathroom done, and half a living room done. Quite frankly I don't give a rat's ass...I'm way too tired and stressed. It'll be there tomorrow unless a miracle happens. Not betting on that one.

When Did I Grow Up

Ya know, I used to see mom's out there when I was much younger and think to myself, "wow how did they let themselves get so dumpy?" I mean I seriously remember being there in Target and actually thinking this an after thought of the line of, "I will never let myself get so uncool."

Now why I thought that, I have no idea. I, myself was never the type of  being in style kinda girl, or a cool kid. Maybe that's the reason I thought that. Then again, every teenager who has parents who give a damn about them view the parents as aliens from another world. Think I'm sticking with the second one.

I was doing good when I had Princess. Cool, hip, fun mom. I mean I was really strict with her, but we had a ton of fun. I actually knew how to laugh. We went camping, fishing, roller blading, snuggling, shopping... Now? It isn't happening. Somewhere I lost my youth.

I'm not fun anymore. I don't have the energy to do things with the kids. In fact the little bit of energy I do have, they suck right out within five minutes of waking up. I don't laugh as much, and I don't just stop and grab a hand and start dancing. I'm too busy trying to get through a day. Screw that, to busy trying to get through an hour. 

The little things that I should be gaining pleasure from are just wearing me down. I am not able to enjoy life right now. It seems somewhere along the way...I grew up and became one of those dumpy parents from my yesteryear. 

Gosh darn it! I refuse to cave into the stereotypical description of growing up! If it rains, you can bet your sweet ass I'm grabbing a little hand and we are going to go dance in the rain. Ok, it will only be with Superman, since Jokester, and Princess hate rain, but dancing we shall go. Oh, and when it gets much warmer here, it's still a bit chilly. 

Does it Hurt?

Ready...set...go! I will finish this post if it kills me. Forget the four other ones that are waiting for their turn at life. This one shall survive.


That being said, moving forwards, cuz backwards just plain sucks. I mean who wants to look backwards, it is after all in the past. Forwards is the future and new adventures. Yep that's the way to go new adventures.


So I've had a bit of writers block lately. Not sure what the heck is going on, but thanks for being patient with me.


Adventure, yes that's what I was talking about. So this year I get to turn the big 40. I don't want to. I shall resist with all my being. It is after all a family trait to stop ageing around whatever age sounds better than the current age. I must carry on the tradition. 


So lately I have been kinda down about turning the big one, and near as I can figure I seem to be going through a bit of a mid-life crisis. I had one when I was twenty-nine too. Seems to be a theme with me. Why? I don't know since age never seemed important to me ever before these two occasions.  


Any-hoo, I've  been thinking that I need a re-vamp on my look. Something to...I don't know, get me outta my frump. So this summer I finally got the tattoo I've been wanting for like...ever. Ok, it's not the one I wanted forever, but I've wanted another one forever. Then I decided I wanted my nose pierced. Well I guess you could say I've been thinking about it for some years and I just finally did it last weekend. 


Here is my experience. After waiting forever it was finally Princes's turn to get her ears re-pierced. Took all of five to ten minutes. I have no idea what the other people were getting done, but they sure took along time. 


It is now my turn. Because I can't wear earrings since well they make my ears itch and swell up like there's no tomorrow, I have to get titanium. Oh yeah, can't go the cheap way with me. Just so you know they don't use a piercing gun to do this. They use some kind of needle. I really don't know what it looks like because she hid it very well from my sight. Very smart lady. 


She was super great at making sure it was in the right spot. We sat there and made faces at each other while she determined the correct spot. Hey this girl is fun! She made her little dot, and asked me what I thought...looked good. Let's do this! 


She then took out the grabber thingy. It's used to grab your ear or nose or for that matter whatever part she needs to grab so they can do the piercing. She was totally awesome about making sure she wasn't pinching me or to make sure it wasn't too tight. I thought to myself, "how nice". Little did I know...


She positions herself once again so I can't see what she's doing and tell's me to look up. Umm ok, so I do. Says to me, "here we go, are you ready." Heck yeah!


Then it happened, it really happened. You see there are a couple of things that she deliberately decided not to tell me. I'm sure it's because she learned in the past not to say anything, cuz if she does mention these things she wont be making money. 


I'm not sure if I can even describe it to you, but I will do my best. At first I felt a little bitty pin prick on my nose, and I thought to myself, this isn't too bad. Then she proceeded to apply the pressure. Not feeling so good no more. I'm thinking, holy crap this hurts and when the fuck is it going to end? She reassures me that she's almost done, and it's a good thing I have skinny nostrils. Ok that last thing kinda got my mind off the pain for oh like a nano second. Skinny nostril? Oh I get it, less pain. Not falling for that one bit cuz this hurts like hell and I have a super high pain threshold.


I'm not sure at what point it happened, but my eyes started this super duper watering thing. There was no stopping it. I willed them to stop, but they refused to listen to me. I couldn't even open the bloody things. Then something started happening that I have never experienced in my life. My sinuses got jealous of my watering eyes, and decided to put on a show of their own. Keep in mind my head was tipped backwards (see she knew) eyes are gushing, and all of a sudden my sinuses let go like a river that's been held back by a dam and the dam just freakin broke, big time. Now I'm drowning, just great. So much for getting my nose pierced, I'm gonna be dead and it will all be for not. By the way, where the hell does all that stuff come from in your sinuses? 


Guess what? During the floods that occurred from my eyes and sinuses I forgot to concentrate on the pain of the needle. She moves out of the way and tells me she's done, and asks if I'm ok. Then as a side note says, oh yeah the eyes and sinuses tend to water a bit.  What I'm thinking and what comes out of my mouth are two very, very different things. What I'm thinking is, "Ya think? Holy Crap what the hell was that, and why the hell didn't you tell that was going to happen I could of at least had a Kleenex or something to help with the floods if I could  see you I would beat the crap outta you, your so lucky I cant see anything. You better get me out of here and have me pay before I come to my senses hello big ole run-on sentence. 


What came out of my mouth was, "Wow! Do you have a Kleenex or something so I can wipe my eyes? That didn't hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would. (<-WTH?)Hey let me check it out in the mirror! Sweet! Alright lets pay up here so I can feed the kids".


Dang this is turning into a pretty long post here now isn't it? Too bad. It's my story and I'll make it as long as I want, so there.


So the instructions are to clean it twice a day, and soak it in a sea salt water mix for five minutes each day. No problem. Someone just slap me and put me out of my misery please. I have no idea how I keep finding myself in these situations. (Oh yeah, mid-life crisis) Picture this if you can, a measuring cup filled to the top with salt water, sitting on the kitchen counter. Got that picture? Good. Ok now picture someone trying to soak a nose in said measuring cup. Oh yeah, you have to get down and stick your nose in the water, but still be able to see the time. You sure don't want your nose in there longer than needed, after all five minutes of being a dork is way more time spent than you want. 


You might think it's pretty easy to just stand there with your nose in a cup of water. It is not. You have to be careful that the water doesn't creep into your eye. Salt water, eye...very bad. Then you have to be careful that it doesn't start running every where else. The biggie though is to remember not to inhale through said nose that is now buried in a cup of salt water.  I think you get the picture. 


So here I'm thinking for some reason that this has to be done for only a week. Not. Princess informed me tonight that it's for 4-6 weeks. I'm not very happy about that. Why? Cuz it's a pain in the ass, and the more I mess with it the more swollen and sore it gets. 


Now heaven forbid you actually have a sneezing attack the day after you get your nose pierced like I did. OMG! It was a flashback to the pain of her putting the needle in my nose! Now to figure out how to blow the damn thing, which is by now a huge throbbing mess on your face that's covered with snot. Now you have to watch out for the itching too, cuz you know as soon as your nose is hurting and sore your gonna get an itch. Paperclip works ok, fingernails...not so good. 


So for all my peoples who been asking if it hurt and should they get their nose pierced. I say, HELL YEAH, GO FOR IT! You only live once right? Sides it doesn't hurt at all.