When Mental Disorders Come Knocking

My family has a lot of mental issues, well I guess I should say my mom's side has the issues. Awhile back my therapist asked me why I kept finding myself surrounded by people who have mental issues. My answer was, " because it's all I know I guess?" I've been around it my whole life that it just seems part of me. She suggested I find "normal" people to hang out with. 

Well in theory that would be just fab, but here in my real world it's here to stay. I have an Aunt. I love this Aunt, but this Aunt suffers from Schizophrenia. I don't mean to make it seem like this is the plague or something, it's just what she was diagnosed with years ago. 

Now this Aunt for some reason seems to think that I am her best friend. Which I guess is ok, except when she has her episodes. Her constant calling is enough to drive the most calm, cool person crazy. 

Her latest thing is that someone keeps stealing her apartment keys and coming in there and staying there while she is in the hospital or something. They have also taken her car keys and they just sit out in her car. Now I fully believe that at one point in her life, that someone could have possibly squatted in her place while she was in the hospital. She hasn't always kept the best of company, although she is getting better at choosing who she associates with.  So this fear is probably based on past events.

The subject before this was the cat I gave her years ago. Miss Priss. Yes that is what I named the cat, as she was the most prissy thing I had ever seen. Anyhow, she got rid of the cat many years ago, but she was insisting that she had seen her. Maybe, maybe not, probably not. She also seemed to have forgotten that I was the one who gave her the cat, but insisted that the cat was being chased by an evil mean man and she was so matted and starving. 

It is very hard to get voicemails and phone calls from her when she is in this place. I know that her thinking is a bit off, well maybe very off, but I just want to scream at her and tell her the actual events. I know deep down it wont help, but damn it! And currently I am on the phone with her as she sits in the hospital. The cycle never ends. 

The Back Burner

Sometimes things happen in our lives that make a huge impression. Some of these would be good thing, others...not so great. Let's talk about the not so great things for a bit.

Without these bad things we wouldn't be the person we are. Whether it was living with alcoholic parents, beatings, molesting, and all the other horrible things that can happen to a person we must remember we are not alone. 

Sometimes things in our current life just aren't going very smooth. It maybe that we keep making bad decisions in relationships, or maybe following in the footsteps of an abuser. The variables are too many to list here, but our past has a habit of following us around. Especially if we have not dealt with it or come to terms over what happened in the past. 

Please don't take this as me being flippant, and me thinking things can just change over night. I know it sure can't. It takes a lot of work, and a lot of courage to face the demons that continue to plague us and bring us down. The fact of the matter is, we just have to take that step into the fear in order to heal. 

Nobody want's to do something that bring the feeling of fear, and nobody sure as hell wants to relive a horrible moment in time. We are fearful of being swallowed by the pain, but pain unfortunately in this case is good. I know that I tend to be the type of person who kind of puts things on the back burner to deal with at a later date. Then I carry on with my busy life. It's not that I don't want to deal with it, but it's that there is so much more going on that I just don't have the time. Eventually things in my life start melting down. Well actually it's me that does the melting. It becomes too much for me to carry, and I have to deal with it if I want to continue living a full life. 

So when I come to that point in life where nothing is going right, I have to take a step back and evaluate the things on that back burner. I have gone back to that back burner many times in my life. Most of the things are new, every once in awhile it's something that I thought I had already dealt with.  

With me, my body is the indicator that my load is too much, and it's time to clean house. My body starts manifesting problems to let me know things aren't right. I might start breaking out in sudden hives for no reason. My eyes might all of a sudden swell shut. I might catch every bug going around because my immune system is shutting down because my stress level is so great that my body focuses only on dealing with the stress. I get headaches all the time. A lot of them are stress headaches. I have long periods of depression also.  

I hate living like that, being sick all the time really sucks. While some of the things are actually legitimate like my seizures, there are many that are cause by just plain ole stress. If I want to get better health wise...I have to put on my big girl panties, buck up and face whatever is causing my body to hate me. I hate having to clean off that back burner, but I hate being sick all the time more. It's my choice on whether or not I'm going to be healthy. 

For some of you out there the past events in your life have caused mental problems. Hey that ok. It's totally ok to have mental problems. It doesn't change who you are on the inside, it just makes life...a bit more interesting to deal with. I also have to tell you that you are not alone. There are many people out there just like you. The events that started you down that road may be different, but the out come is the same. 

Whether your dealing with something mentally, or physically I want you to know that you are loved, no matter what your faults or problems may be. Go on give yourself a big ole hug, you deserve it. 

Hey I wasn't joking on the giving yourself a hug thing...do it now. Ok much better. See I have that mommy power. I can make you do something from miles away. 

If you need to talk to someone shoot me an email. Sometimes it's easier to talk with someone you don't know. There isn't much out there that will shock me. I will be honest though, I do not deal well with suicidal thoughts. I am still trying to come to grips on this, and I tend to freeze on this topic, but I will do my best to listen because everybody deserves to be heard.

Ya know these post just never seem to go in the direction that i thought I wanted to go. I guess it all depends on where my heart is. Hope you get something from this and continue to read as I ramble on through this Crazy Life.