Toe to Toe

I have this thing where I stub my toes on other peoples toes. NO,no,no that's not quit right...other people stub their toes on my toes. Yeah that's it. It has no bearing on the fact that I am the one who is walking, none at all. DH, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. 

It all began one night when I was walking over to DH (who was sitting on the couch) to give him a hug. And that's when it happened! His damn toe attacked mine! It just patiently waited until my toe was in range and jumped out and stubbed it's self on my toe. I was hopping up and down like a crazy rabbit yelling ow-wee, ow-wee, and he was grabbing his toe, moaning ohhh that hurts, ouch, ohhhh. Our eyes met and we both burst out laughing while we were still crying over the pain.

He says, "how do you manage to stub your toe on mine? You should really learn how to walk." Oh no! He didn't go there now did he. It wasn't me at all, and here's my reasoning.
First off... he had a blanket over his feet...like I would know there's a toe there.
Secondly...there was so much crap in the area that I would have to have been in special ops to maneuver around it all.
thirdly...my equilibrium has been way off lately, so it's not that I don't know how to walk, it's just that the world keeps tilting on me, and no I haven't been drinking. See not my fault at all. 

So this has happened a couple of times, and each time DH looses a bit more of his sense of humor. I tell him he needs to laugh through the pain. Lighten up already. Plus it's not just between DH and me. Princess has done it to me too. I was just standing there, when she stubbed her toe on mine as she walked by. 

Either people in this house need to quit stubbing their toes on mine or I'm going to have to invent a "nut cup" for toes pretty soon. Hmm, I can see dollar signs already!

I Flew to the Moon

Oh wow, I just had my six year old smoke my butt at pool.  Not once, but twice!. Ok granted it was on a table top pool table, but really? I must re-evaluate my pool playing strategy. Like perhaps play on my knees so I'm sort of level with the table, or put it on a taller table so he has to be on his tippy toes. I told him that he can't be smoking my butt since I've been playing longer, he replies with,"maybe you just can't play". Ouch, touche my young son. I shall beat you soon just you wait.

Well I got everything re-arranged for the HUGE food and water dish for BG. Yeah, I hate my house some days. I just cleaned out the pantry not too long ago, and it is a disaster again. Seems somebody (Princess) doesn't like to put things back where they belong. Now like I mentioned before my house is very small, but my kitchen...well it's micro. Since I don't have that many cabinets I store all the big pots and cookers in the pantry. It is a very tight fit, and if one thing is out of place, there isn't room for what is actually supposed to go there. I must now re-arrange my entire pantry no thanks to Princess. I wont even mention the coat closet that I went to put something in and couldn't even get in there. Sigh...I give up. That is until I get pissed enough and start ripping everything apart to fix the problem. Never mind the fact that while I'm doing this I will be throwing a spectacular tantrum. I just might need a time-out, or if I was a drinking woman, a nice glass of something good.

Superman came in the kitchen and says to me, "hey what smells so good?" "Honey mustard chicken, why does it smell good?" "Oh yeah, smells wonderful." I hope they don't like it. It's Hamburger Helper, or rather Chicken Helper. My ego would be severely bruised if I'm out cooked by a box. Come to think of it, what got into me? I never ever buy this kind of food, well except Mac and Cheese sometimes. Must be slipping or something, or just had some leftover chicken I had no idea on what to do with. Yeah that's it, I'm sticking with that story. It really didn't have anything to do with me being lazy, not at all.

Update: Superman did not like it so I guess I'm still number one around here. He did mention before he even took a bite that it smelled so good he didn't want to eat it all gone. Guess smell and taste were on different tracks today.

BG has this really irritating habit of when she wants to be petted she will nudge your arm. She is currently making it very hard to type. She apparently wants some pets. I better give her a pet before she starts giving me her paw which she does if she isn't getting her way. She has a big ole paw, and she seems to have good coordination to smacking me in the face with her nails. Yeah, this habit is going to end soon. People will start asking what the hell happened to me when they see my face all scratched up. I of course will tell them I got in a fight with a bear or some other wild animal. Kind of like when a bill collector called me and I told them I had flown to the moon. The dumb chick actually believed me, and I never heard from them again. Sometimes the stories have to be so unbelievable to be believable I guess.

Somehow I have managed to hurt one of my toes. It happens to be the middle toe, so I can secretly flip off everyone who pisses me off. Hehe. I don't have any idea what I did, it just started hurting, and it hurts really bad. Almost like it's out of joint or something. So I think tonight calls for just putting my feet up and doing a whole bunch of nothing. Maybe catch a flick on Netflix or something. Now I just need some good munchies. Any volunteers?

Is That a Foot Up My Nose?

This morning as I tried to roll over I came in contact with a foot on my pillow. This was not DH's foot, nor was it mine. I am not that flexible anymore. (now isn't that a pretty picture to imagine?) It seems Superman decided at some point to crawl into bed, and it was his foot I came face to foot with. It never fails that he will somehow manage to flip himself around on about a foot of space to rest his feet on my pillow. I truly wish I was awake to witness this awesome act, but alas I was sound asleep thanks to some muscle relaxers. 

 

In my sleep induced state of mind I managed to grab my phone and take a picture. Did you know it's very hard to take a picture half asleep, and facing away from the camera? It resulted in a blurry picture, but at least you can get the idea of what I awoke to when I sort of turned around. 

Now Superman isn't the only one who did this. When she was younger Princess would flip and flop around like a fish. One night I was woke up to her trying to shove her big toe into my nose. It was the last time she was allowed to sleep with me. The toe in the nose was a bit too much.

Jokester now he doesn't do the flip flop thing. His head will stay on the pillow, however his legs will be all over the place. I think he has restless leg syndrome in the truest sense. This kid runs in his sleep. A person never knows what might get kicked, or when it will happened.

We don't usually let the boys sleep in the bed unless they are sick. However they do manage on occasion to sneak in there, and the out come usually ends with a foot or two on my pillow, or I get kicked. Happy morning to me. 

      
The mound in the background would be DH, and the empty space is where I just vacated after pushing Superman over a bit so I could climb out without sitting on his head. He really needs to find a different way to sleep. I can just see the headlines, "mom kills child after sitting on his head". 

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